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- Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. — Dave Barry
- The day Rick Ross dives into the crowd, is the day we find out who his true fans are. — Kevin Hart
- Never regret anything because at one time it was exactly what you wanted. — Marilyn Monroe
- When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth. — Jess C Scott
- A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn't — Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings
- A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice. — Bill Cosby
- Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. — Alan Dundes
- We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public. — Bryan White
- I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying. — Oscar Wilde
- A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths. — Steven Wright
- To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all. — Oscar Wilde
- If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success? — Jerry Seinfeld