Best Bet Thoughts

835 Bet quotes by 600 unique authors

If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a panic. — Jack Handey
I bet what happend was, they discovered fire and invented the wheel on the same day. Then, that night, they burned the wheel. — Jack Handey
If you're ever shipwrecked on a tropical island and you don't know how to speak the natives' language, just say "Poppy-oomy." I bet it means… — Jack Handey
I bet it was pretty hard to pick up girls if you had the Black Death. — Jack Handey
I bet it's hard to break farmers of the old superstitions like "Tornado got Old Yeller, stay in the cellar." — Jack Handey
I bet for an Indian, shooting an old fat pioneer woman in the back with an arrow, and she fires her shotgun into the ground… — Jack Handey
If you lived in the Dark Ages, and you were a catapult operator, I bet the most common question people would ask is, "Can't you… — Jack Handey
I wouldn't bet on a horse unless he came up to my house and told me to himself. — Eubie Blake
They head the list of bad to bet on: But I insist they're worse to get on — Richard Armour
The lower classes are such fools. They waste their money on the pools. I bet, of course, but that's misleading. One must encourage bloodstock breeding. — Unknown Author
She said I bet you dont remember me And I said only every other memory. — Tim McGraw
Sometimes I wake up and I think I should start wearing a beret, but I don't do it. One day I'm gonna, though. You bet… — Mitch Hedberg
The husbands, who sometimes have another family who's grown, are going, Now I can spend time with my baby. Oh yeah, I bet your other… — Jackie Collins
I could draw Bloom County with my nose and pay my cleaning lady to write it, and I'd bet I wouldn't lose 10% of my… — Berkeley Breathed
There are only two kinds of people in the world, suckers and people that can be had. Everyone can be had, but a sucker will… — Eric Sevareid
The best bet for the horses would be to stop betting on the Derby and other horse races, and to stop breeding, racing and killing… — Ingrid Newkirk
Brand-name growth stocks ordinarily command the highest p/e ratios. Rising prices beget attention, and vice versa - but only to a point. Eventually their growth… — John Neff
If I were going to put my money on it, I would bet that by 2050—hopefully earlier—we’ll have found that more than 80 percent of… — Paul W. Ewald
I bet a guy at a bar 50 bucks that I was more dysfunctional than he was. He raped me. So I tipped him. I'm… — Christopher Titus
One of the worst mistakes anybody can make is to bet against Americans. — Ronald Reagan
Issuing an insurance policy against abduction by aliens seems a pretty safe bet. — Stephen Hawking
I bet the pill is harder to get than drugs--which shows how screwed up this world really is! — Beatrice Sparks
You must always be prepared to place a bet on yourself, on your future, by heading in a direction that others seem to fear. — Robert Greene
Next to grace, I bet God thinks making us need each other was one of His best ideas. — Bob Goff
Bet on yourself! You never lose if you bet on yourself! — Greg Plitt

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600 authors contributed a total of 835 Bet Quotes, led by these top contributors:

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