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835 Bet quotes by 600 unique authors

Suppose that you want to teach the 'cat' concept to a very young child. Do you explain that a cat is a relatively small, primarily… — Ralph P. Boas, Jr.
There are just four kinds of bets. There are good bets, bad bets, bets that you win, and bets that you lose. Winning a bad… — Larry Hite
Firefly: Where is your husband? Mrs. Teasdale: Why, he's dead. Firefly: I'll bet he's just using that as an excuse. Mrs. Teasdale: I was with… — Groucho Marx
I bet him he wouldn't get 15 league goals and I'm going to have to change my bet with him. If he gets to 15… — Alex Ferguson
If you're a young Mafia gangster out on your first date, I bet it's real embarrassing if someone tries to kill you. — Jack Handey
But every day I go to work I'm making a bet that the universe is simple, symmetric, and aesthetically pleasing—a universe that we humans, with… — George Smoot
I think that many of my ideas are correct, but I'll bet you, before my death other discoveries will be made that will prompt me… — Donald Johanson
Except I think it feels more like an empty stomach than a broken heart. An aching hollowness that food can't cure. You know. You've felt… — Richard Laymon
I've been in Vegas. That's where you get into the money thing. Boy, you get greedy in Vegas, you know. That's the only place that… — Louie Anderson
You're so vain. I bet you think this song is about you. — Carly Simon
Too hard for MTV, not black enough for BET, just let me be... — Jadakiss
Too bad you can't just grab a tree by the very tip-top and bend it clear over the ground and then let her fly, because… — Jack Handey
I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don't want anybody walking in and lying down in… — Jack Handey
If you're an archeologist, I bet it's real embarrassing to put together a skull from a bunch of ancient bone fragments, but then it turns… — Jack Handey
I scrambled to the top of the precipice where Nick was waiting. "That was fun," I said. "You bet it was," said Nick. "Let's climb… — Jack Handey
I bet if you were a mummy wrapper in ancient Egypt, on thing you would constantly find yourself telling people would be, "Be sure, before… — Jack Handey
I bet the sparrow looks at the parrot and thinks, yes, you can talk, but LISTEN TO YOURSELF! — Jack Handey
If there's ever an amusement park called Bag World, I bet it would really start to annoy you after a while how they really sort… — Jack Handey
I bet a funny thing about driving a car off a cliff is, while you're in midair, you still hit those brakes! Hey, better try… — Jack Handey
If you were a gladiator in olden days, I bet the inefficiency of how the gladiator fights were organized and scheduled would just drive you… — Jack Handey
If there was a big gardening convention, and you got up and gave a speech in favor of fast-motion gardening, I bet you would get… — Jack Handey
I hope in the future Americans are thought of as a warlike, vicious people, because I bet a lot of high schools would pick "Americans"… — Jack Handey
I bet when they weren't fighting, Vikings with horn helmets had to stick potatoes on the ends of the horns, so as to avoid eye… — Jack Handey
If you were an ancient barbarian, I bet a real embarrassing thing would be if you were sacking Rome and your cape got caught on… — Jack Handey
If you make ships in a bottle, I bet the thing that really makes your heart sink is when you look in, and there at… — Jack Handey

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