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- Whoever coined the term "Buyer Beware" was probably bleeding from the asshole. — George Carlin
- The more complicated the order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a 'decaf grandee, half soy,… — George Carlin
- Looking back, I realize that my life has been a series of incidents where one person has said to another, "Get this… — George Carlin
- I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here are a few I would… — George Carlin
- Recently I've been looking for something new. The past few projects I've worked on, I keep getting cast as the asshole. I… — Dave Franco
- It was only after I untied my girlfriend from being face down on the bed that I learned her screaming, 'Asshole!' was… — David Henry
- Awards are like hemorrhoids. Sooner or later every asshole gets one. — Francois Ozon
- Came to the world at a time when it was in need of a villain / An asshole, that role I think… — Eminem
- I hate the word homophobia. It's not a phobia. You are not scared. You are an asshole, — Morgan Freeman
- Really, all religious teachings can be boiled down to: “Just be cool. Don’t be an asshole. — Nick Offerman
- I like to go to concerts because I love to see my favorite band through the phone of the asshole who's standing… — Demetri Martin
- It doesn't matter how much of an asshole you are, there was always someone who thought you were cool. — Greg Proops