I've had people hate me for my appearance. I think it gets me a certain level of empathy with the audience. If… — Ralphie May Believe Copy Share Image
My average fan works for about $20 per hour, if they are lucky enough to have a job. And then factoring in… — Ralphie May Home Copy Share Image
We are all fingers on the same hand. We may not look alike, but we are all needed. — Ralphie May Alike Copy Share Image
I've been shortchanged and overlooked my whole life. And if you boo-hoo about everything, that's all you're going to do your whole… — Ralphie May Been Copy Share Image
Im still trying to decide if hes a punk-ass bitch, or a bitch-ass punk. — Ralphie May Copy Share Image
There's a big difference between being racist and racially insensitive. — Ralphie May Being Copy Share Image
Wanna give a shout-out to the Fry Guy, got much love fo the Fry Guy? let me get a cold drank, need… — Ralphie May Love Copy Share Image
I've never seen myself as a victim because of my physicality. If I did play that game, I wouldn't be the comedian… — Ralphie May Game Copy Share Image
My wife is also a standup comic, so it's something for me that's awesome. She's a beautiful girl. I really married above… — Ralphie May Marriage Copy Share Image
There's certain stock lines that, you know, like heckler lines, you know, like, where did you learn to whisper, a helicopter, you… — Ralphie May Investing Copy Share Image
If you want to be called a dwarf you must be in immediate possession of a battle axe cause otherwise your just… — Ralphie May Attitude Copy Share Image
I go out and I meet people after the show, I take every picture that they ask for, I sign every autograph… — Ralphie May Go Copy Share Image
There's no getting around it - I am a politically incorrect, racially insensitive, culturally controversial comic, but at least I'm self-aware. — Ralphie May I am Copy Share Image
If people get their feelings hurt from jokes, then they are too delicate to be in society. — Ralphie May Feelings Copy Share Image
When I get emotional about something, that's usually when funny comes. — Ralphie May About Copy Share Image
I'm an entertainer first. But I do as a stand up comedian, the way for me to evolve is to make a… — Ralphie May Learn Copy Share Image
The overwhelming majority of my material has very little to do with my weight. It's certainly not the crux of my material. — Ralphie May Little Copy Share Image
My name is Ralphie. How many Ralphie's do you know? It's unique. — Ralphie May Do you know Copy Share Image
I think there's too much emphasis on making sure our corporations are OK versus making sure our people are OK. — Ralphie May Corporations Copy Share Image
Jesus was a pothead Long hair, beard, sandals, carpenter. Do the math, it all adds up. Living with 12 guys with no… — Ralphie May Long hair Copy Share Image
My father passed on one important piece of relationship advice before he died. He said son, in a relationship you can either… — Ralphie May Advice Copy Share Image
