Pete Holmes

I like squirm-laughing.

— Pete Holmes

I saved my money.

— Pete Holmes

I love Jon Stewart.

— Pete Holmes

I love alpha males.

— Pete Holmes

“Keep it crispy.”

— Pete Holmes

I love Batman to death.

— Pete Holmes

I'm not the hugest comic book person, but I do love superheroes.

— Pete Holmes

I really love the Frank Miller 'Year One' stuff.

— Pete Holmes

Dorks are not exempt from bad behaviour.

— Pete Holmes

My wife left me when I was 28 in real life.

— Pete Holmes

I call myself 'Christ-leaning,' but that's primarily psychological.

— Pete Holmes

When people were telling me 'God is watching you'...

— Pete Holmes

I booked an E-Trade commercial. That's a lucrative gig.

— Pete Holmes

Life is temporary. We die one day. Live it up!

— Pete Holmes

I think 'everything sucks' is too often leaned upon as a comedic stance. It's a really easy and pretty weak perspective.

— Pete Holmes

When you slide into television, no one tells you exactly how manage expectations and work with your staff.

— Pete Holmes

I think what people respond to is someone being who they actually are.

— Pete Holmes

I'm the weirdo that tells - asks - the Uber driver to please turn the radio down. I'm so polite about it,…

— Pete Holmes

I always wanted to do something about what it's like to get divorced, especially when it's a young marriage to start with.

— Pete Holmes

As soon as I heard the term 'comedy nerd,' I'd hoped there was a lot of them.

— Pete Holmes

Losing your faith is an essential part of having a three-dimensional, vivid, vibrant faith.

— Pete Holmes

Comedians really are like a species. That's not to be exclusive. Anyone can kind of become one. You have to pay your…

— Pete Holmes

Ideally, a good pastor wants to empower a congregation to the point where they don't need him. You want everyone to leave…

— Pete Holmes

When my wife left me, in real life, T. J. Miller was like, 'I'm shooting a movie in Pittsburgh. I'll fly you…

— Pete Holmes

There's something about taking emotional and career and relationship humiliations, writing them, acting them out again, but then redeeming them in some…

— Pete Holmes

I felt like I was in a unique position, or I am in a unique position, to show the evangelical world in…

— Pete Holmes

There are elements of comedy that can be competitive and back stab-y, but one of the underreported sides is that we love…

— Pete Holmes

If I go out and do a set, there's a good chance that I'll watch another comedian. I'll think - not necessarily…

— Pete Holmes

We'd all like to increase pleasure and minimize pain, but the truth is, suffering, even collective suffering that we're going through, is…

— Pete Holmes

I'm trying to, with my stand-up and with the podcast, give people these little stupid things to give them happiness. I know…

— Pete Holmes

We can give space to someone's depression. We can love them; we can honor - we can just eat some noodles, we…

— Pete Holmes

I'm not going to have the TV personality and be like, 'There's no bitterness. There's no ugliness.' There's bitterness. There's ugliness. There's…

— Pete Holmes

Every human being can relate to wanting their thoughts and their feelings to be accepted and rewarded and validated. So in that…

— Pete Holmes

I have never been political, which for a straight white man that's kind of a byproduct of privilege growing up that I…

— Pete Holmes

I think there's something so funny about Ram Dass. I was lucky enough to sit across from him at dinner once, and…

— Pete Holmes

A stand-up act is almost like a pool. You know what I mean? It's like a pool, and you're always skimming little…

— Pete Holmes

One of my obsessions in life is that we have the tools to manufacture moments and real things, but it's overwhelming and…

— Pete Holmes

I look at my faith like a room, and there was all of this furniture in there, but I had inherited most…

— Pete Holmes

When you do stand-up, it's so autonomous: I can say anything.

— Pete Holmes

It's hard to control the things that are going to inspire you.

— Pete Holmes