All Patton Oswalt Quotes
- The problem is, and I'm just as guilty of this, a lot of people see their follower count increase and mistake that for friendships. It's… Albums
- There's all kinds of those moments in your life where either through a weird set of circumstances, or a song you hear, or a smell… All
- This sounds like a brag, but I know how to make good fried rice. I learned in college. There are two secrets - take the… Brag
- We're rewarding either the reality or the appearance of youth, which is why you have all these people in their fifties trying to act like… Act
- What you want to worship above youth, I think, is beauty, and beauty is so beyond just appearances after a while. Because you can be… Appearance
- Yeah, there were a few years in the early nineties where I really began to hate what was valued as funny and just sort of… Began
- If the victories we create in our heads were let loose on reality, the world we know would drown in blazing happiness. Blazing
- Zombies can't believe the energy we waste on nonfood pursuits. Believe
- I want to experience as many different tastes, sights, emotions, conflicts, and cultures as possible, so that I can expand the canvas of my memory… Canvas
- Cheap liquor is a magic potion that can turn you into a puppet cowboy before it kills you. Cheap
- People will find transformation and transcendence in a McDonald's hash brown if it's all they've got. All
- Anything's better than Gen X which is what we got. Thanks Douglas Coupland. We sound like a team of mutant vigalantees with frosted hair and… Better
- With acting, you see some of the kids are literally just off the street, untrained, and they are great. And others are off the street,… Acting
- Growing up, there are always those kids who are only happy when they are making someone else upset. That is unfortunately just how some people… Bad
- In my mind, I was always a comedian who was going to branch into writing. Branch
- I wish I had a really cool, esoteric answer, but what the process is to me is going onstage night after night after night after… Answer
- Knock on wood, my groupies tend to be very artistic, creative people - sometimes way more creative than I am. Artistic
- One of my groupies gave me a film that they made, and it ended up being amazing, so I got it shown at South by… Amazing
- Beyond any role that I ever had, really early on as a stand-up, I would see actors decide to try it and they would bomb… Acting
- I think right now is the best time for stand-up, ever. I sincerely do. Best
- I mean, all alternative comedy is are comedians that have being doing it for so long, for so long, that they were relaxed enough to… All
- I'm not familiar with the metric system. Familiar