I have a computer, a vibrator, & pizza delivery. Why should I leave the house? — Nikhil Saluja Computers Copy Share Image
The best thing about this tweet is, by the time you found it's completely worthless, it's too late for you to stop… — Nikhil Saluja Time Copy Share Image
A detective on the drug detail developed seizures. He is a narcoleptic. — Nikhil Saluja Facebook Copy Share Image
A Woman Never Say: If we're not going to have sex, then you have to at least let me lick your balls… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
LOVE, A strange feeling that comes over a man -- when he keeps wanting to call a girl by his last name; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Ordered a tea, caught myself watching daily soap & had to reach down to check if I still had a dick. — Nikhil Saluja Tea Copy Share Image
When I'm loud, people tell me to be quiet. But when I'm quiet, people ask me what's wrong with me. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If I followed you back after 15 minutes of following me, I was just pretending to be busy & I failed. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I ignore texts. I let the phone ring. It's nothing personal, but people need to realize that sometimes I don't want to… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
It's so weird to think that before Twitter, all of this nonsense just stayed in people's heads. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
True love is surviving the fall down the stairs when you tell me that you're pregnant. — Nikhil Saluja Love Copy Share Image
I love it when I catch you looking at my open zip and then you look away.. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Fitness Tip: When you incur violent diarrhea while running, consider it calories burned! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
One of the most influential sources of peace is simply being comfortable with who you really are. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
HUSBAND, SMART, A man who is never so busy bringing home the bacon that he forgets the applesauce; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Me putting on a flowery shirt and a fancy tie is like decorative toilet paper. — Nikhil Saluja Flower Copy Share Image
Almost all serial killers are men. That's 'cause women like to kill one man slowly over many, many years. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Every night when everyone's asleep, I grab my phone and I start reading all our old conversations. — Nikhil Saluja Communication Copy Share Image
If you are surrounded by people with empty lives don't expect them to fill yours — Nikhil Saluja Life Copy Share Image
You know the acronym behind your name won't keep me from kicking your ass in the parking lot. — Nikhil Saluja Acronym Copy Share Image
Don't die a virgin. Remember: there are terrorists waiting for you up there! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Why do dogs love their daily walks? They get to check their p-mail! — Nikhil Saluja Animal Copy Share Image
I want to be a pharmacist. Just so I can yell Now take your suppositories and shove'em straight up your ass! — Nikhil Saluja Pharmacist Copy Share Image
When the joke is on you, your sense of humour gets a reality check. — Nikhil Saluja Comedy Copy Share Image
They named it Twitter because Licking each other dirty asses was too long. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I don't understand how girls could be so in love with a guy one week and the next not even talk to… — Nikhil Saluja Funny Copy Share Image
Why don't blind people sky dive? Because it scares the hell out of their dogs! — Nikhil Saluja Animal Copy Share Image
If Men Got Pregnant: They'd have to stop saying, I'm afraid I'll drop him. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Gossip is talking about someone who's not present at that moment. — Nikhil Saluja Conversation Copy Share Image
Who wants to lend me their cleavage? Need more followers. Will pay weekly. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Everyone has a life story. Mine will probably end with something like then he found twitter. — Nikhil Saluja Life Copy Share Image
Just saw my dog's dick. Having trouble looking him in the eyes now. — Nikhil Saluja Dog Copy Share Image
Regarding the Boy Scouts, I'm very suspicious of any organization that has a handbook. — Nikhil Saluja Boy scout Copy Share Image
I'm not a narcissist, I just like to spend most of the day infront of the mirror admiring God's gift to earth. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If Men Got Pregnant: They'd stay in bed for the entire nine months. — Nikhil Saluja Nine months Copy Share Image
If youre protective and tall and sweet and cute and smell good and give good hugs then I want to date you — Nikhil Saluja Facebook Copy Share Image
The sight of a womans cleavage reduces a mans ability to think clearly by 50%…per boob. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Never been more embarrassed than the time I walked in on a co-worker while I was masturbating. — Nikhil Saluja Embarrassed Copy Share Image
I won't be tweeting this sunday. I have better things to do like bashing myself by following girls on streets. — Nikhil Saluja Better things Copy Share Image
