A Woman Never Say: You passed out before brushing your teeth again, ya' big silly! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I never commit hate crimes because I'm against discrimination and assaulting random strangers is much more fun. — Nikhil Saluja Crime Copy Share Image
Im pretty sure the best thing about twitter is the ability to read other peoples fights. — Nikhil Saluja Twitter Copy Share Image
If you follow me & expect a follow back, please do let me know! So I can block you. — Nikhil Saluja Facebook Copy Share Image
You are dumb for even trying. Is the only sentence in English that can be read either sides and give the same… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Whenever someone says This day couldn't get any worse I immediately punch them in nose & ask Are you sure about that? — Nikhil Saluja Facebook Copy Share Image
The cobra will bite you whether you call it cobra or Sir. Cobra. — Nikhil Saluja Cobra Copy Share Image
I wouldn't mind being in an abusive relationship with you babes only if you would punch me with her tits. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I will always ignore a woman's feelings unless, those feelings involve me feeling her titties. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
A Woman Never Say: I liked that wedding even more then ours. Your ex-girlfriend has class. — Nikhil Saluja Ex girlfriend Copy Share Image
Never use wet wood in your fireplace. Always let weeping logs dry. — Nikhil Saluja Facebook Copy Share Image
I wonder how many people I would have actually murdered brutally if everything I thought actually happened. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Took a compatibility test and the results said I get along best with beer. — Nikhil Saluja Beer Copy Share Image
If you haven't checked the time in your watch for like 4 or 5 hours, you're probably having a good time. — Nikhil Saluja Good time Copy Share Image
Million Dollar Idea: A cupcake that is 24 inches round and 6 inches thick. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If you ever find me sitting alone in a McDonald's, don't bother me. I'm probably busy judging people. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Good girls wax their floors Bad girls wax their bikini line Naughty girls wax your nutsack — Nikhil Saluja Bad girl Copy Share Image
So your name is Will, But you don't call your crotch The Willderness, then what the fuck? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Statistically, 10% of women will find this joke offensive. The other 90% are in the kitchen, where they fucking should be! — Nikhil Saluja Facebook Copy Share Image
Amazing Home Remedies: Never, under any circumstances, take a laxative and sleeping pills on the same night. — Nikhil Saluja Sleeping pills Copy Share Image
I texted my girlfriend a picture of my flaccid penis. I just wanted to let her know I was thinking about her. — Nikhil Saluja Facebook Copy Share Image
The follower counts should be hidden so we can be fair and judge people only by the quality of their tweets. — Nikhil Saluja Facebook Copy Share Image
LUXURIES, Items which, by grand design, always cost more -- for example: a divorce decree costs more than a marriage license — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Dear Sleep, You'll always be my favorite Hello and my hardest Goodbye. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If you convince me to make me think WHAT THE FUCK you instantly get a retweet. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I'm totally gonna be that cool dad that picks up his kid from school in underwear and on a scooter. — Nikhil Saluja Father Copy Share Image
I hate to travel. I guess it's because my father used to beat me with a globe. — Nikhil Saluja Facebook Copy Share Image
62% of women check phones during sex. 38% of women are wondering what's wrong with their service. — Nikhil Saluja Technology Copy Share Image
I met you, I liked you, I loved you, I had you, I lost you, I missed you, I never wanna see… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
When I hear a guy say bros before hoes I automatically assume he's referring to gay sex. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
MARRIAGE, That ceremony which makes more strange bedfellows than politics; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it. — Nikhil Saluja Funny Copy Share Image
Don't try to please people you'll fail, But you can piss them off and please yourself! — Nikhil Saluja Facebook Copy Share Image
I just learned today that bacteria is not the back door of a cafeteria. — Nikhil Saluja Bacteria Copy Share Image
Twinkle twinkle little star, I wanna hit you with my car. Throw you off a cliff so high, hope you break your… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Mission Accomplished! A girl is currently nibbling on my penis. I'm going to call my wife and tell her the good news. — Nikhil Saluja Goals Copy Share Image
MARRIAGE, An event which is called tying the knot -- unfortunately, the knot can be a noose; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
