Nikhil Saluja

You are the Powerful person only when., your Presence can decrease or increase someones Heartbeat.!!!

— Nikhil Saluja

Whenever you're feeling sad masturbate, because every sad story deserves a happy ending.

— Nikhil Saluja

If you like internet jokes, you should see my online bank account.

— Nikhil Saluja

Are you okay? Always the same question. I'm fine. Always the same lie.

— Nikhil Saluja

How about this, you remove Funny/Model from your bio and let me be the judge of that.

— Nikhil Saluja

A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

— Nikhil Saluja

You know you've drank too much when you actually ask your wife to drive you home.

— Nikhil Saluja

She wanted to sign up as an organ donor, but all she had was a guitar.

— Nikhil Saluja

Oh, you're an actor??? Why don't you act like a waiter and get me another beer.

— Nikhil Saluja

Each year in my sleep I swallow about 8 spiders and 120 slices of cake.

— Nikhil Saluja

Ah, beer. The cause of and the solution to all of life's problems.

— Nikhil Saluja

If your daily twitter mission isn't to get 10 or more unfollows we can't be friends.

— Nikhil Saluja

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the Hell Happened to your bra and panties.

— Nikhil Saluja

Instagram: Because even ugly & fat girls wanna feel like models sometimes.

— Nikhil Saluja

Who wants to lend me their cleavage? Need more followers. Will pay weekly.

— Nikhil Saluja

Everyone has a life story. Mine will probably end with something like then he found twitter.

— Nikhil Saluja

If Men Got Pregnant: They'd have to stop saying, I'm afraid I'll drop him.

— Nikhil Saluja

Gossip is talking about someone who's not present at that moment.

— Nikhil Saluja

Why don't blind people sky dive? Because it scares the hell out of their dogs!

— Nikhil Saluja

They named it Twitter because Licking each other dirty asses was too long.

— Nikhil Saluja

I don't understand how girls could be so in love with a guy one week and the next not even talk to…

— Nikhil Saluja

If Men Got Pregnant: They'd stay in bed for the entire nine months.

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm not a narcissist, I just like to spend most of the day infront of the mirror admiring God's gift to earth.

— Nikhil Saluja

Regarding the Boy Scouts, I'm very suspicious of any organization that has a handbook.

— Nikhil Saluja

Just saw my dog's dick. Having trouble looking him in the eyes now.

— Nikhil Saluja

HUSBAND, SMART, A man who is never so busy bringing home the bacon that he forgets the applesauce;

— Nikhil Saluja

Me putting on a flowery shirt and a fancy tie is like decorative toilet paper.

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm entirely made of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.

— Nikhil Saluja

One of the most influential sources of peace is simply being comfortable with who you really are.

— Nikhil Saluja

True love is surviving the fall down the stairs when you tell me that you're pregnant.

— Nikhil Saluja

I love it when I catch you looking at my open zip and then you look away..

— Nikhil Saluja

Fitness Tip: When you incur violent diarrhea while running, consider it calories burned!

— Nikhil Saluja

It's so weird to think that before Twitter, all of this nonsense just stayed in people's heads.

— Nikhil Saluja

I want to be a pharmacist. Just so I can yell Now take your suppositories and shove'em straight up your ass!

— Nikhil Saluja

Why do dogs love their daily walks? They get to check their p-mail!

— Nikhil Saluja

When the joke is on you, your sense of humour gets a reality check.

— Nikhil Saluja

Every night when everyone's asleep, I grab my phone and I start reading all our old conversations.

— Nikhil Saluja

If you are surrounded by people with empty lives don't expect them to fill yours

— Nikhil Saluja

You know the acronym behind your name won't keep me from kicking your ass in the parking lot.

— Nikhil Saluja

Don't die a virgin. Remember: there are terrorists waiting for you up there!

— Nikhil Saluja