Nikhil Saluja

When you have a bunch of cash in your wallet, you'll buy anything. But the last 10$ can last an entire week..

— Nikhil Saluja

Alarm clocks are like teachers, they wake you up and piss you off.

— Nikhil Saluja

70% of the gay population was born that way; the other 30% were just sucked in!

— Nikhil Saluja

SOCIALISM: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.

— Nikhil Saluja

I have the entire dictionary written on my dick. In case you Want me to put some words in your mouth.

— Nikhil Saluja

Hey friends, remember when we used to keep thoughts to ourselves?

— Nikhil Saluja

I love when people do that thing where their upper lip touches their lower lip.

— Nikhil Saluja

Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

— Nikhil Saluja

Amazing Home Remedies: If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.

— Nikhil Saluja

I only bang chicks with a masters degree or higher. Why you ask? Cause I'm fucking genius.

— Nikhil Saluja

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw that you cared, and I wanted to be everything that I could be.

— Nikhil Saluja

The impact of the word SALE on a female's brain is similar to what the word BOOBS has on a male's brain.…

— Nikhil Saluja

I don't wanna discuss about it - People who want to discuss about it.

— Nikhil Saluja

We ignore the ones who adore us, adore the ones who ignore us, love the ones who hurt us & hurt the…

— Nikhil Saluja

In a parallel universe, I'm on a shitty website writing about myself in a parallel universe.

— Nikhil Saluja

No no sweetie, I don't hate you. I just want to fist bump your chin a few times.

— Nikhil Saluja

Maturity is the ability to control anger and settle differences without violence or destruction.

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

— Nikhil Saluja

It's all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen.

— Nikhil Saluja

I love how the 140 character limit on twitter forces girls to get to the damn point.

— Nikhil Saluja

You're Drinking Too Much Coffee When Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.

— Nikhil Saluja

When a waitress brings the food, old men look at the food while young men look at the waitress.

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm not a mind reader, so the unspoken words doesn't tell me anything at all.

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm not the best, not the most perfect but I promise to love you with my whole heart.

— Nikhil Saluja

Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go…

— Nikhil Saluja

Whenever I see a Caution: slippery when wet sign I hide it somewhere, then I sit down & enjoy the show.

— Nikhil Saluja

Parents shouldn't tell their kids to dream big if they're stupid. Don't give them false hope.

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, The process that turns a female from an attraction into a distraction;

— Nikhil Saluja

The only reason women need men around the house is because we haven't made a vibrator that can kill spiders.

— Nikhil Saluja

Porn Rule: When a husband finds that his wife has been cheating on him, he is more turned on than angry.

— Nikhil Saluja

Whenever I'm bored, I go to a bank, yell FREEZE! and spray people with my water gun.

— Nikhil Saluja

Me: Your face must turn a few heads. She: And your face must turn a few stomachs.

— Nikhil Saluja

Ladies : Boobs are like babies; if you don't strap them properly into their carrier, they'll fall out.

— Nikhil Saluja

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, Something which is called a feast -- unfortunately, sometimes the appetiser is better than the main course;

— Nikhil Saluja

Therapist: you should be in a mental institute Me: I'm already on Twitter

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, An event, for the upper middle class, is the only adventure left;

— Nikhil Saluja

A setback in life gives you an opportunity to cherish the glory inherent in a comeback to life.

— Nikhil Saluja

This role playing game is so weird how many followers do I have to gain to get some weapons?

— Nikhil Saluja

If your girlfriend complains that she's tired of giving you blowjobs, just outsource the work to her sister.

— Nikhil Saluja