Nikhil Saluja

Girl who is wallflower at party, may be dandelion in bed.

— Nikhil Saluja

For happily married life, You must cheat on your wife.

— Nikhil Saluja

Sex with anthropomorphs - compare the market

— Nikhil Saluja

The shorter the grass, the taller the tree.

— Nikhil Saluja

Just changed my twitter crush, that should make me happy.

— Nikhil Saluja

Throwing Dildo's at bitches so they can fuck themselves.

— Nikhil Saluja

The hospital lab is recruiting. They're looking for new blood.

— Nikhil Saluja

Those girls who think every guy wants them… NO.

— Nikhil Saluja

When I said You look terrific. I really meant Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving.

— Nikhil Saluja

Don't trust a girl who doesn't know how to make a simple sandwich. How will she be able to raise a baby?

— Nikhil Saluja

It sounds like English, but I can't understand a damn word you're saying.

— Nikhil Saluja

LOVE is like the action similar to an hourglass: the heart fills as the brain empties.

— Nikhil Saluja

Some of you unfollowed me for being childish and now my tweets will be RTed on your timeline. HAHAHAHAHA!! *sticks tongue out*

— Nikhil Saluja

They say sleep is good for the brain. So why isn't allowed in office?

— Nikhil Saluja

I wanted to lose weight so I went to the paint store. I heard I could get thinner there.

— Nikhil Saluja

Apparently you aren't allowed to have problems if you aren't a starving african child or a delhi rape victim.

— Nikhil Saluja

PUDDLE: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it. PREPARED CHILDBIRTH: A contradiction in terms.

— Nikhil Saluja

I don't need beer to have a good time, I just need it to focus, avoid depression, good tweets, fall asleep, and…

— Nikhil Saluja

The problem with being just friends is I have to watch you be with someone who doesn't deserve you when I could…

— Nikhil Saluja

Being Friends is not always about stopping each other, from making mistakes, but it is always about being there., after the mistake…

— Nikhil Saluja

Every day I find out if I'm getting too fat by checking if I can lick my own nipples. Looks like I'm…

— Nikhil Saluja

Oh, everything's too damned expensive these days. Like this Bible. It cost 15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book! Everybody's a…

— Nikhil Saluja

Good girls think the office is the wrong place to have a romance Bad girls think no place is the wrong place…

— Nikhil Saluja

Two things in life that are difficult to achieve: 1. To plant your idea in someone's head. 2. To plant someone's money…

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, The only permanent cure for love;

— Nikhil Saluja

If you can't change the woman, CHANGE THE WOMAN!

— Nikhil Saluja

Every day is a new opportunity for failure.

— Nikhil Saluja

If God Was A Woman… Farts would smell like roses

— Nikhil Saluja

Conversions -- 2000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won ton

— Nikhil Saluja

I started off my morning on the wrong foot.

— Nikhil Saluja

Dear Brain, can you please shut the fuck up so I can sleep?

— Nikhil Saluja

If you constantly attract assholes, it's probably you.

— Nikhil Saluja

Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

— Nikhil Saluja

You know what they say you know what they say

— Nikhil Saluja

Some ideas suffer from premature ejaculation.

— Nikhil Saluja

When crops aren't growing, farmers get migrains.

— Nikhil Saluja

I want to high five your face with a stapler.

— Nikhil Saluja

My inner child is up for adoption.

— Nikhil Saluja

Life is like a box of chocolates. It makes you really fat.

— Nikhil Saluja

Bras are basically seat belts for boobs.

— Nikhil Saluja