Milton Berle Quotes
100 quotes
in 1060 categories
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You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
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A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
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I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd rather…
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Laughter is an instant vacation.
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If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
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Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
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We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.
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Poverty is not a disgrace, but it's terribly inconvenient.
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Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
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I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
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I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how to make it interesting.
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The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.
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A thing of beauty is a job forever.
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Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?
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It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!
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Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.
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Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.
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When I was in school, one of my teachers was crazy about me. I once heard her tell another teacher, "I wish he was my…
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It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!
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