Milton Berle Quotes

100 quotes in 1060 categories

• You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.
• If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
• A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
• I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd rather…
• Laughter is an instant vacation.
• If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
• Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
• We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.
• Poverty is not a disgrace, but it's terribly inconvenient.
• Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
• I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
• I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how to make it interesting.
• The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.
• A thing of beauty is a job forever.
• Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?
• It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!
• Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.
• Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.
• When I was in school, one of my teachers was crazy about me. I once heard her tell another teacher, "I wish he was my…
• It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!

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