Mike Harding Quotes

18 quotes in 453 categories

• Breast Feeding should not be attempted by fathers with hairy chests, since they can make the baby sneeze and give it wind.
• Bare Foot Folk and is full of really interesting songs, Ange Hardy takes folk tales and creates new folk songs that sound traditional around the…
• If forced to travel on an airplane, try and get in the cabin with the Captain, so you can keep an eye on him and…
• America was discovered by Amerigo Vespucci and was named after him, until people got tired of living in a place called "Vespuccia" and changed its…
• ... The Anarchists' [national] anthem is an international anthem that consists of 365 raspberries blown in very quick succession to the tune of Camptown Races.…
• British Israelites: The British Israelites believe the white Anglo-Saxons of Britain to be descended from the ten lost tribes of Israel deported by Sargon of…
• Economics, n.: Economics is the study of the value and meaning of J. K. Galbraith ...
• Invite them all in. Nip out the back door. Phone the police and tell them your house is being burgled.
• Gold, n.: A soft malleable metal relatively scarce in distribution. It is mined deep in the earth by poor men who then give it to…
• If little green men land in your back yard, hide any little green women you've got in the house.
• In the olden days in England, you could be hung for stealing a sheep or a loaf of bread. However, if a sheep stole a…
• The square was finally cleared by armed carabineri with tears of laughter streaming down their faces. The event set a record for hilarious civic functions,…
• The Gerat Bald Swamp Hedgehog of Billericay displays, in courtship, his single prickle and does impressions of Holiday Inn desk clerks. Since this means him…
• The people of Halifax also invented the harmonium, a device for castrating pigs during Sunday service.
• The Psblurtex is an 18-inch long anaconda that hides in the gentlemen's outfitting departments of Amazonian stores and is often bought by mistake since its…
• The Ruffed Pandanga of Borneo and Rotherham spreads out his feathers in his courtship dance and imitates Winston Churchill and Tommy Cooper on one leg.…
• When the Ngdanga tribe of West Africa hold their moon love ceremonies, the men of the tribe bang their heads on sacred trees until they…
• He once had his toes amputated so he could stand closer to the bar.

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