Madea Quotes

124 quotes in 921 categories

• Mable 'Madea' Simmons: [Madea his Nikki with a belt] Why wasn't you at school today? Nikki: I went to the park. Mable 'Madea' Simmons: Why'd…
• You know I only go to church for two reasons, weddings and funerals, which one we gonna have today?
• Mable 'Madea' Simmons: Now listen up! Boy on School Bus: Shut up, old lady! [Madea jumps to him and continually slaps him] Mable 'Madea' Simmons:…
• Mable 'Madea' Simmons: What do you want to be? Nikki: I want to be a lawyer. Mable 'Madea' Simmons: That's good, I might need you…
• Mable 'Madea' Simmons: [to Nikki about Joe] Go help that thing find its shoes so we can get out of here.
• Carlos: Can we have a moment alone? Mable 'Madea' Simmons: In my house? Hell no!
• Joe: I was hoping they would lock you the hell up. Mable 'Madea' Simmons: The only thing locked up around here is your bowels. Now…
• Vanessa: [with Lisa] A friend of ours is being beaten by her husband and we want to know what we should do. Mable 'Madea' Simmons:…
• Mable 'Madea' Simmons: Look girl I'm done told you already to stop poppin' that gum! Nikki: Look! If you touch me, I'm gonna call 911!…
• Mable 'Madea' Simmons: Joe. Did that thing just push you? Joe: Sho did. She don't know about us. We Baptist. We tear this place up.…
• Honey, folks are gonna talk about you til the day you die and aint nothing you can do. LET FOLKS TALK! it aint about what…
• Row,Row,Row,your hoe... Merily merily merily she's just a piece of meat..!
• Every time I try to read the Bible... and Jesus... the one with all the words in red... I open my Bible to that New…
• Well when you gettin got to somebody that got you and you got get them when you get them everyone gonna get got!
• Call the po-po, I aint scared of no po-po...call the po-po ho.
• Cooka big pot of grits, bring him into the kitchen, then toss the grits on him. Then after you toss them, swat him with a…
• When I was stripping them little skinny girls got mad at me cause I bent the pole. When I got down that thing looked like…
• Brown, stop shoppin at baby gap!
• She don't know me. I'm a straight-up thug. I shot Tupac. Yes, I did. We was arguing over a parking place. I didn't kill him,…
• True prayer is you sittin' having a conversation with God. Anybody can pray, anybody can pray. Just say in the name of Jesus this is…

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