All Les Dawson Quotes
- I was sat at the bottom of the garden a week ago, smoking a reflective cheroot, thinking about this and that - mostly that, and… Across
- How can you analyse what is funny? What's funny to one isn't funny to another... What's funny to you is a personal thing. Analyse
- I discovered the wife's got asthma. Thank God - I thought she was hissing at me. Asthma
- A square egg in a dish of lentils won't make a marrow bend with the wind, nor will it make rhubarb grow up the milkmaid's… Bend
- I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.' Funny
- I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own. Funny
- My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years running. This year we're having a change. We're going to let her in. Change
- I'm often accused of saying some pretty rotten things about my mother-in-law. But quite honestly, she's only got one major fault - it's called breathing. Accused
- The mother-in-law is the centre of a family. Centre
- I took my mother-in-law to Madame Tussaud's Chamber of Horrors, and one of the attendants said: 'Keep her moving sir; we're stock-taking.' Attendants
- The mother-in-law came round last week. It was absolutely pouring down. So I opened the door and I saw her there and I said, 'Mother,… Absolutely
- My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well. I was amazed; I never knew they worked. Amazed
- The way prices are rising, the good old days are last week. Days
- In awe, I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebony void of infinite space… Across
- I don't mind what the critics say, so long as I get some reaction. The worst thing is to be ignored. Critics
- Mind you, I've always been musical... Mother used to sit me on her knee and I'd whisper, 'Mummy, Mummy, sing me a lullaby do,' and… Angel
- Despite the fact that feminists say they're not getting a fair deal, women are still very powerful. Deal
- I toyed with the idea of playing Ravel's 'Pavane pour une infante defunte' but I couldn't remember if it's a tune or Latin prescription for… Idea
- I'd like to thank the BBC for allowing me to work here. And I'd like to thank the wife and kids for making it necessary. Allowing
- I'm the most unromantic lump of Northern suet. Yes, a woman did accost me once in South Shields, but she had a face like Red… Accost