Larry David Quotes

129 quotes in 1208 categories

• Weathermen merely forecast rain to keep everyone else off the golf course
• A good compromise is when both parties are dissatisfied
• I'm trying to elevate small-talk to medium talk.
• A date is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone
• I wasn't making fun of my father in-law's religion. And even if I was so what, it's a comedy. Religion should be made fun of,…
• Hitler really ruined that mustache for everybody. It’s really an interesting mustache, but now, no one can wear it.
• I’d rather have the thieves than the neighbors - the thieves don't impose. Thieves just want your things, neighbors want your time.
• I'm surprized Hitler didn't round up the toupee people.
• Most practical jokes, I'll feel too bad for the other person so I'll stop just before the punchline.
• I learned the first night that IHOP's not the place to order fish.
• Who do you think has more freedom: the married man in America or the single man in Communist China?
• I'm Larry David. I happen to enjoy wearing women's panties.
• Being Larry David on Curb Your Enthusiasm was the best thing to happen to Larry David in life.
• Give a guy a girlfriend and a great job, he doesn’t need therapy.
• A place to go - that's what my mother always instilled in me. You need a place to go. And you're worthless unless you have…
• I think that for the most part, when I started doing comedy, it had become very commercialized.
• Did Bill Clinton actually think that he could get blow jobs from a Jewish woman and there would be no consequences?
• The closest I ever came to death was masturbating with a 104-degree temperature.
• Well, as you know, I'm really only happy when I'm on stage.
• You write about what you know.

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