Larry David Quotes

129 quotes in 1208 categories

• It's not every day that you get to be affectionate around something, it just doesn't happen that often.
• Anything that's for free, people will take. They don't discriminate.
• If I tried to flirt with a woman and she didn't know who I was, she would run away.
• I'm a jerk, that's who I am. I'm like everybody else.
• Zero, zero belief in myself. And it's changed somewhat, but there's still a lot of that in me.
• You know, when you do standup there are certain requirements that you have to do like you have to go on stage and when you…
• I couldn't walk up to a woman at a bar and say hello.
• I once stopped to pick up a girl, and then there was this creepy-looking guy standing behind the bushes waiting to jump out and get…
• I need to be on drugs to connect with nature.
• Luck always plays a part for everyone, whether they want to admit it or not. I was very lucky, and I know it.
• Making a woman laugh. What is that about? And the prettier the woman, the more satisfaction I get. It doesn't make any sense, but I'm…
• Sometimes you have to wander a bit, and do what you don't want to in order to figure out what it is you're supposed to…
• Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough.
• Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to do their fighting for them while they ski and eat…
• Hear the birds? Sometimes I like to pretend that I'm deaf and I try to imagine what it's like not to be able to hear…
• I was planning on my future as a homeless person. I had a really good spot picked out.
• I'm surprised sometimes at how some of my actions are misinterpreted.
• I had a wonderful childhood, which is tough because it's hard to adjust to a miserable adulthood.
• I like to be quiet, and let people find me rather than having to shout at them.
• Women love a self-confident bald man.

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