All John Waters Quotes
- If your kid comes out of the bedroom and says he just shut down the government, he should have an outfit for that. Bedroom
- "Family" this and "family" that. If I had a family I'd be furious that moral busybodies are taking the perfectly good word family and using… Busybodies
- Catholics have more extreme sex lives because they're taught that pleasure is bad for you. Who thinks it's normal to kneel down to a naked… Bad
- No matter what your sexual preference or gender, no one likes a man who is fussy about his looks. You can spend as much time… Don T
- Everyone's sex life is funny except your own. Every person's is, and yours never is. The lengths people go to — and the extremes and… Any
- I came from a generation where women were almost deified, and like Groucho Marx's line, "I wouldn't want to be a member of a club… Came
- I like the word 'underground'... 'independent' carries a stigma of whininess. 'Underground' means a good time. Carries
- I mean, what is prison, really, except a good bar without the liquor? Bar
- My idea of rich is that you can buy every book you ever want without looking at the price and you're never around assholes. That's… Assholes
- I like rap music. But bragging about being rich to poor people is really offensive. I want to hear a rap song about buying a… Bragging
- My favorite characters are people who think they're normal but they're not. I live in Baltimore, and it's full of people like that. I've also… Baltimore
- Don’t sleep with people who don’t read. Don T
- Even illegal weapons have lost their panache. Zip guns and shanks were at least homemade. Where is the craft in a grade-schooler firing a magnum?… Anymore
- If you ever go home with somebody and they don't have books in their house, don't sleep with them. I think that's very important. Book
- Censorship has been my best press agent my whole life. Agent
- I've signed dicks, asses, parole cards, a colostomy bag while it was still pumping. A couple of years ago, I signed a bloody Tampax. That's… Ago
- Humor is how you change people's opinions, and if you can make someone laugh, they'll listen, even if they hate you. Change
- No comedy should be longer than 90 minutes. There's no such thing as a good long joke. Comedy
- It's been 50 years since I was on the roof of my parents' house shooting Hag in a Black Leather Jacket when I didn't even… Been
- I think I technically learned some things, hopefully. But I go to the movies for characters and story and a berserk vision. Berserk