Harriet Lerner

It's a cliché, but also a deep truth (as cliché's tend to be), that you can't love another person very well if…

— Harriet Lerner

Women are raised to be the nurturers and steadiers of rocked boats, to hold relationships in place as if our lives depended…

— Harriet Lerner

No book or expert can protect us from the range of painful emotions that make us human.

— Harriet Lerner

Relationships are most likely to fail when we don't address problems or hold our partner accountable for unfair or irresponsible behavior ...…

— Harriet Lerner

Your children are not little mirrors reflecting back the good or bad job you've done.

— Harriet Lerner

You can't evaluate a prospective partner if you insulate your relationship from your family and friends--and his.

— Harriet Lerner

Many people value criticism in the early stage of a relationship, but become allergic to it over time. Remember this: No one…

— Harriet Lerner

It's true that over-apologizing interrupts the flow of conversation and irritates the person who has to stop and offer reassurance, like, "No,…

— Harriet Lerner

Feeling essentially superior to other people is as sure a sign of poor self-esteem as feeling essentially inferior.

— Harriet Lerner

Pretending can be a bold form of experimentation and inventiveness. In pretending joy or happiness, we may discover or enhance our capacity…

— Harriet Lerner

We're vulnerable to repeating history, especially if we don't know what's driving us. For example, it may be a family tradition to…

— Harriet Lerner

The miracle is that your children will love you with all your imperfections if you can do the same for them.

— Harriet Lerner

As many have observed, it is easy to tell a lie, but it is almost impossible to tell only one.

— Harriet Lerner

We need to hear the sound of our voice for what we think and need.

— Harriet Lerner

“If the other person has pushed through his or her discomfort to do the right thing and apologize, we can push through…

— Harriet Lerner

It's remarkable how many couples can precisely describe their particular pattern of painful fighting, and claim to be helpless to change it.

— Harriet Lerner

Before modern feminism, stories of female ambition were silenced or erased; even now, they are told with apology ("Yes, it's a great…

— Harriet Lerner

Fear is a message - sometimes helpful, sometimes not - but often conveying critical information about our beliefs, our needs, and our…

— Harriet Lerner

“We may believe that anxiety and fear don't concern us because we avoid experiencing them. We may keep the scope of our…

— Harriet Lerner

Whole-hearted listening is the greatest spiritual gift you can give to the other person.

— Harriet Lerner

Being who we are requires that we can talk openly about things that are important to us, that we take a clear…

— Harriet Lerner

Anger is a tool for change when it challenges us to become more of an expert on the self and less of…

— Harriet Lerner

“Respect the fact that all you do and are now, has evolved for a good reason and serves an important purpose.”

— Harriet Lerner

The rush of sexual attraction can act like a drug and blur our capacity for clear thinking. This can lead us to…

— Harriet Lerner

An intimate relationship is one in which neither party silences, sacrifices, or betrays the self and each party expresses strength and vulnerability,…

— Harriet Lerner