Green Monk

I hate how all the cheese comes off in one bite when I'm eating pizza.

— Green Monk

If my life was a reality show, I'd send everyone home.

— Green Monk

Nerd? I prefer the term Intellectual Badass!

— Green Monk

Me and good judgment haven't been on speaking terms in a good long time.

— Green Monk

My neighbor never says I love you too. What a weirdo.

— Green Monk

Every bathroom is open if you kick the door hard enough.

— Green Monk

Life taught me lot of lessons…But I bunked those classes too...!

— Green Monk

I didn't run into the wall, I was just checking to see how strong it was. (:

— Green Monk

Every woman deserves a man who respects her and every man deserves a woman who appreciates his efforts.

— Green Monk

Dear alarm clock, It might be you they hit on, but it's me they're sleeping with. Sincerely, bed.

— Green Monk

I always keep a baseball bat under my bed in case someone tries to break in and pitch a no-hitter!

— Green Monk

Do you ever get the feeling that you're being watched? . . . Because if it's bothering you, I'll stop.

— Green Monk

When I was 18 I met with a terrible accident. I was thrown out of a car window... by the boyfriend of…

— Green Monk

Ladies, if you give men a choice between two things they'll pick the first. They stopped listening and didn't hear the second

— Green Monk

Of course I look both ways when crossing a one way street. You never know what kind of idiot is behind the…

— Green Monk

Women are like computers -- even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval

— Green Monk

Some Sex Is Good...More Is Better...Too Much Is Just About Right

— Green Monk

I've had quite a bit to drink, and you're beginning to look pretty good.

— Green Monk

Making a baby cry is as easy as taking candy from a baby.

— Green Monk

I'm not racist. I date women from other different races if they have pink nipples.

— Green Monk

The Dream of a Man and Tears of a girl Can do Anyting in this World

— Green Monk

In other news: I have my underwear on backwards.

— Green Monk

Before smartphones life was terrible. I practically never stepped in dog shit.

— Green Monk

The problem with many things is the pre-conceived ideas we have about them!

— Green Monk

According to the laws of probability, I have seen my neighbor's wife in panties.

— Green Monk

I always try not to judge people. Which is probably why I lost my job as a judge

— Green Monk

Terrorists got 99 problems and their Allah is one.

— Green Monk

If I was meant to be controlled, I would have come with a remote

— Green Monk

Relationships fail because Women Love too much, and Men Love too many!

— Green Monk

Today, be the change you wish to see in the twitter. Block the assholes.

— Green Monk

When you are driving, watch for animals that are dead ahead.

— Green Monk

Health is wealth..so keep yourself well and fit.

— Green Monk

Women and their periods... It's such an ovary action...

— Green Monk

When they say all expenses paid, does that include bail?

— Green Monk

After 10 pegs, I think Im the most interesting person in the world.

— Green Monk

I'm a black belt in making phone calls as short as possible.

— Green Monk

My greatest achievement is my huge failure.

— Green Monk

Always go to other peoples funerals, otherwise they wont come to yours.

— Green Monk

Whenever I get sick, I get my immune system drunk so it will fight anything.

— Green Monk

If someone's Cooler than you, does that mean you're Hotter than them?

— Green Monk