I just heard a strange noise coming from downstairs. I refuse to say Who's there? Those people always die. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Men watching porn is like women watching the Food Network: they are both watching things they are never gonna do! — Green Monk Food network Copy Share Image
Whenever someone asks me, How you doing? I say, Everything was fine till I had to stop and respond to your small… — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
I have one of those open and shut marriages. My pants are always open and my wife's are always shut. — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
Look, I'm not saying you're boring. I'm just saying I pay a lot more attention to you when you're naked. ooK? o_O — Green Monk Attention Copy Share Image
Next time you fart, turn to the nearest person and say, Did you hear that asshole talk shit behind my back? — Green Monk Copy Share Image
What better way to recover from your exhausting workout session than to skip it and nap instead. — Green Monk Better way Copy Share Image
You don't truly know a woman until you understand every word she's not saying to you. — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
I think the stomach is the most intelligent part of the body,Its smart enough to send the burps to the mouth and… — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
You can tell a lot about a person from what they purchase at Wal-Mart. My purchase says that I don't shower or… — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
When you are successful your well wishers know who you are BUT when you are unsuccessful you know who your well wishers… — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
My girl doesn't have to dress up to impress me , given what she dressing up from is her birthday suit — Green Monk Fashion Copy Share Image
Thank you, but my Fingers deserve the award for being funny. They did all the copying and Pasting. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
You attract people by the qualities that you display and you keep people by the qualities that you possess. — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
~Love cant be proven with poems, promises, or presents but with sacrifice, compromise, and patience.. — Green Monk Compromise Copy Share Image
Nothing says 'I like big dicks in my ass' more than a person throwing a peace sign in a photo. — Green Monk Big dick Copy Share Image
Pain is nature's way of saying Don't do that. . . . Painkillers are mankind's way of saying Screw it ... go ahead. — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
I do not take selfies. I photo bomb my phone while it's taking pictures of itself in the mirror. — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
My friend said I'm childish something something. Couldn't hear the rest cause I had my fingers in my ear & was saying… — Green Monk Friendship Copy Share Image
Fact : The average woman spends 1 year of her lifetime trying to decide what to wear ! — Green Monk Fashion Copy Share Image
Women fake headaches to get out of sex with a man, and a man will risk getting a Viagra headache to have… — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
That one person who you know you can't trust, but keep telling them everything, anyway. — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
Why would you let me know before unfollowing me? You're making it easier for me to track you down and murder you. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Once again, the only reason I'm tweeting is to ignore this bum asking me to roll down my window. — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
I was very drunk last night and I took a bus home. It may not sound like a big thing to you… — Green Monk Drunk Copy Share Image
I Remember When You Would Say sorry, I'm in a relationship. People would say ohh, best of luck. Now all they say… — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
Best thing about social networking is how it brings us all together so we can have lunch with our phone. — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
The word aerobics came about when the instructors said If we're going to charge money, we can't call it jumping up and… — Green Monk Aerobics Copy Share Image
Admit it, you have sarcastic conversations with yourself when people are ignoring you.. — Green Monk Communication Copy Share Image
He who laughs last is the one who is looking at the boobies of the girl who is telling the joke… — Green Monk Comedy Copy Share Image
Getting a blowjob with a condom on is like leaving your underwear on while taking a shit! — Green Monk Copy Share Image
When I grow up I want to be just like my dog. Walking around fucking bitches... then when I get bored, I… — Green Monk Animal Copy Share Image
My partner said she was leaving me so I cut off her legs. She soon came crawling back. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
I wish Twitter would notify me when someone UN-followed me, that way I could go star it. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
LOVE surely comes from the heart…but I suspect that even the BOOBS in front contribute a lot... — Green Monk Boobs Copy Share Image
I blame Beauty and the Beast for giving ugly kids confidence & tricking them into thinking that beauty is found on the inside. — Green Monk Beauty Copy Share Image
April Fools' is exhausting. I can't wait for tomorrow when I can return to blindly accepting everything I hear. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Man was sent on earth to struggle... AND Woman was sent on earth to make sure it happens... — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
A Winning Horse doesn't know whats wining He only runs in pain given by his rider So whenever you're in pain think… — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
