Why do so many new brides get crow's feet as soon as they're married? From squinting and saying, Suck what? — Green Monk Brides Copy Share Image
Behind every great woman is a man telling her she's ignoring him. Behind every great man is a puzzled woman. — Green Monk Behind every great man Copy Share Image
People don't come into your life by accident. Everyone that crosses your path serves a purpose — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
No, I did not want the receipt, but now that you've asked, I'm getting suspicious. So yes please I want it. — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
There are two greatest days in a guys life… The day he was BORN… and the day he discovered PORN... — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
Blowjobs are the second best thing a woman can ever do with her mouth, the first best thing is shutting the fuck… — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when you trip and you immediately start running, and act like that's what you wanted to do anyway. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Comic Sans walked into a bar. The bartender frowned and said, We don't serve your type here. — Green Monk Bartender Copy Share Image
Women fake headaches to get out of having sex with their man, and men fake not being married to have sex with… — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
I act completely normal around my parents. But as soon as I'm with my friends, I'm like the energizer bunny, on crack... — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
I'm living the dream! Unfortunately, its the one where I came to work with no pants on. — Green Monk Dream Copy Share Image
What's the difference between a penás and a práck? A penás is fun, sexy and satisfying. A práck is the guy connected… — Green Monk Difference Copy Share Image
I hate when films say 'MAY' contain nudity? Either it does or it doesn't. DON'T WASTE MY TIME — Green Monk Cinema Copy Share Image
Happiness Is Like Penis. It Always Looks Small But When You Learn To Share It, You Realize How Big It Can Be. — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
I don't smoke, I don't drink, I don't snort, and I don't gamble. I do lie a little bit though. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
You're in a relationship to be happy, to smile, to laugh, to make memories. not to constantly be upset, hurting and crying.. — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
You know you've had enough coffee when you can thread a sewing machine ...while it's running! — Green Monk Coffee Copy Share Image
Females need to search for a man with goals and ambition because 10 years from now swag isnt gonna pay your bills . — Green Monk Ambition Copy Share Image
Just bought a pair of boots that are so comfortable when you're kicking someone in the face. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
True friends are like diapers they never leave your ass, even if they are full of shit. — Green Monk Friend Copy Share Image
Sometimes I like to be a bit Romantic, that's why I light up a couple of scented candles when I masturbate. — Green Monk Candles Copy Share Image
Facebook Timeline is an excellent graphical and visual representation to show how you wasted all your precious time in the past... — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
LADIES: You should never beg for a guys commitment to you . If he wants you, he'll do whatever it takes to… — Green Monk Commitment Copy Share Image
Dear ugly people, if you ever feel that you hate your life, don't worry, you are not alone. I hate your life… — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
My hands never pain when typing message for you.. But my heart always pain when there is no reply from you. — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
My wife and I had words the other night. . . . . . . . . . Well, I had words; She had paragraphs. — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
Researchers have discovered that people will believe anything that you tell them researchers have discovered... — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
If you can't beat them, join them. It's much easier to beat them once they think you're on the same side. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Sometimes when I look at you, I just can't help fantasizing about kicking you in the face repeatedly. — Green Monk Fantasizing Copy Share Image
No matter how nice you try to be someone will cast you to play the cunt in their life story. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Communication, trust, and affection, is the true foundation of every good relationship¦.. If one is missing¦.. LOVE cannot survive¦ — Green Monk Affection Copy Share Image
Two whales walked into a bar. One said, Weeeeeeeee-ooooooooo-uuuuuuuuuu-hhhh. The other whale said, Shut up, Steve. You're drunk! — Green Monk Drunk Copy Share Image
You can steal my tweets if you like, but I lick every single one before I tweet them. — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
My personal trainer told me to listen to my body while working out so I left the gym & went to get… — Green Monk Exercise Copy Share Image
Number one rule: Never get attached to something that wasn't yours in the first place. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
I like those Birthday reminders on Facebook because occasionally they remind me of the friends I need to Delete. — Green Monk Birthday Copy Share Image
Looking for soulmate. Description: Smart, funny, good-looking & loves to battle with lightsaber swords while making sound effects. — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
I love a woman who knows how beautiful she is, but doesn't let it change her attitude towards the world. — Green Monk Attitude Copy Share Image
I bet in Africa they play commercials of American stripper girls starving for their father's attention. — Green Monk Africa Copy Share Image
When someone says: 'Expect the unexpected.' Slap their face and say: 'You didn't expect that, did you?' — Green Monk Copy Share Image
