Evan Esar Quotes

73 quotes in 735 categories

• Zoo: An excellent place to study the habits of human beings.
• Public speaking is the art of diluting a two-minute idea with a two-hour vocabulary.
• Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space.
• A smart mother suggests that her child bring an apple to his teacher; a smarter mother suggests that he bring a couple of aspirins.
• Good teachers cost a lot; but, poor teachers cost a lot more.
• Experience is a great teacher, and sometimes a pretty teacher is a great experience.
• The quizzical expression of the monkey at the zoo comes from his wondering whether he is his brother's keeper, or his keeper's brother.
• Lecturers should remember that the capacity of the mind to absorb is limited to what the seat can endure.
• A lecturer often makes you feel dumb at one end and numb at the other.
• The lecturer who is full of his subject is usually very slow in emptying himself.
• Life is a game played on us while we are playing other games.
• An instrument that sometimes expresses thought, sometimes obscures thought, but most often replaces thought.
• The tongue is the only muscle in the human body that never gets tired [talking].
• A dollar saved is a dollar earned but seldom vice versa.
• Nothing ages your car as much as the sight of your neighbor's new one.
• Etymology: from Latin ad-, "to" + visum, past participle of videre, "to see". Advice is what you get from your parents when you are growing…
• A husband is like a fire. He goes out when unattended.
• In elections, the undecided vote is usually the deciding factor.
• A special skill, like speaking several languages, or keeping your mouth shut in one.
• Divorce is the key that opens the strongbox where the bonds of matrimony are kept under wedlock.

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