After age twelve, birthdays should be as private as hernia surgery. — Erma Bombeck Age Copy Share Image
I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of the hill. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Crocodiles have a smile I've seen on the face of every lawyer I've ever met. — Erma Bombeck Crocodiles Copy Share Image
Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what. — Erma Bombeck Fear Copy Share Image
I'm so bored. I went to the food locker yesterday to visit my meat. — Erma Bombeck Bored Copy Share Image
I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old. — Erma Bombeck Shopping Copy Share Image
The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again. — Erma Bombeck Breathing Copy Share Image
To my way of thinking, the American family started to decline when parents began to communicate with their children. — Erma Bombeck American family Copy Share Image
Parenting is a negative thing. Keep your children from killing themselves, or anyone else, and hope for the best. — Erma Bombeck Child Copy Share Image
Men who have a thirty-six-tele vised-football- games-a- week-habit should be declared legally dead and their estates probated. — Erma Bombeck Estates Copy Share Image
Early in my life I had made a pact with myself. I would never eat anything that moved when I cooked it,… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Volunteers are the only human beings on the face of the earth who reflect this nation's compassion, unselfish caring, patience, and just… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
I have a theory about the human mind. A brain is a lot like a computer. It will only take so many… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times… — Erma Bombeck Children Copy Share Image
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat. A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Shopping is a woman thing. It's a contact sport like football. Women enjoy the scrimmage, the noisy crowds, the danger of being… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
I will never understand children. I never pretended to. I meet mothers all the time who make resolutions to themselves. 'I'm going… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Most mothers entering the labor market outside the home are naive. They stagger home each evening, holding mail in their teeth, the… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
It's the three pairs of eyes that mothers have to have...One pair that see through closed doors. Another in the back of… — Erma Bombeck Being a mom Copy Share Image
Not everyone is comfortable with the kissing ritual. My husband is one of them. Her refuses to press lips with anyone except… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
We even switched to a newly-formed church across the town that gave one hundred and twenty trading stamps each time we attended.… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
“Let us hope manufacturers can come up with a diaper that is environmentally sound. To go back to cloth would send us… — Erma Bombeck Baby Copy Share Image
The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding… — Erma Bombeck Borrowing money Copy Share Image
Adults are always telling young people, 'These are the best years of your life.' Are they? I don't know. Sometimes when adults… — Erma Bombeck Adolescence Copy Share Image
It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else. — Erma Bombeck Bravery Copy Share Image
A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween. — Erma Bombeck Grandmother Copy Share Image
Cats invented self-esteem; there is not an insecure bone in their body. — Erma Bombeck Body Copy Share Image
When you look like your passport photo, it's time to go home. — Erma Bombeck Adventure Copy Share Image
In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced on television. — Erma Bombeck Children Copy Share Image
Humorists can never start to take themselves seriously. It's literary suicide. — Erma Bombeck Comedy Copy Share Image
If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
