Doug Benson

LL Cool J should be the spokesman for a line of pajamas called Ladies Love Cool Jammies.

— Doug Benson

You can't always be 100-percent positive that a joke will work, so you've just got to try it. Fortunately, if one new…

— Doug Benson

You know you drank too much the night before when you wake up with crop circles in your pubes.

— Doug Benson

Why would any woman agree to be on a show called Bridezillas? It's not like men would agree to be on Douchegroom.

— Doug Benson

I was immediately into all the great movie comedians - Woody Allen, Mel Brooks, Richard Pryor, Gene Wilder. Everything those guys had…

— Doug Benson

A friend is someone I complain to about my other friends.

— Doug Benson

Society has definitely gotten to the point where everybody has to comment on anything, and if you want to stay sane as…

— Doug Benson

I made some jokes about weed, got some laughs, made some more jokes, got some more laughs; next thing you know, I'm…

— Doug Benson

[Ryan Reynolds] has had stabs at it like Just Friends. He's really fun in that.

— Doug Benson

Willem Dafoe is a shithead.

— Doug Benson

That's the interesting part of being a judge to me - I don't even care about these people's fights that they're having…

— Doug Benson

I've always enjoyed things that are popular,I mean, obviously, there are plenty of things that are popular that I hate. But when…

— Doug Benson

I like Willy Wonka and the chocolate factory because some children deserve to be taken to a chocolate factory and tortured. I…

— Doug Benson

Smoking pot makes people talk for long periods of time, for instance, so people who advocate pot won't shut the hell up…

— Doug Benson

The thing is girls will always say you're lying when you say you had sex with them when you're lying about having…

— Doug Benson

People say pot-smokers are lazy. I disagree; I'm a multitasking pot-smoker: just the other day I was walking down the street, I…

— Doug Benson

Fortunately, most of my friends in comedy that smoke pot are almost as open about it as I am, and in some…

— Doug Benson

Pot advocates actually try to convince people who don't need or want medical marijuana to go get a card, because as those…

— Doug Benson

The great thing about being up early on a Sunday is nothing.

— Doug Benson

A message to parents who think legalizing weed will make their kids want to try it: they will anyway.

— Doug Benson

Everyone wants to look good in photographs, even us trolls who tell jokes.

— Doug Benson

If you have anyone smoking pot in a movie it automatically, I think, knocks it up to maybe PG-13 movie rating and…

— Doug Benson

I'm not trying to recruit anyone. I think minds can be changed, but I also think they don't have to be changed.…

— Doug Benson

If you ever go to Las Vegas, and you will, just go for a few days. I was there recently for seven…

— Doug Benson

[Ryan Reynolds] is my favorite [ on Top Gear] - I think he's the most hilarious actor who just has not been…

— Doug Benson