I was like a packet of powdered Sea Monkeys and they were like water. — Augusten Burroughs Monkeys Copy Share Image
There is no such thing as too ordinary to write about, whether that's life or a scene in a novel. What's interesting… — Augusten Burroughs Books Copy Share Image
I saw a monkey walking on a leash and thought it was an ugly foreign child. — Augusten Burroughs Children Copy Share Image
This is what happens when you go against the grain of truth. You get splinters later on. — Augusten Burroughs Grain Copy Share Image
I'm always prepared for the worst. I was prepared to have the book come out, sell seven copies, and have to keep… — Augusten Burroughs Advertising Copy Share Image
Think of the actual physical elements that compose our bodies: we are 98 percent hydrogen and oxygen and carbon. That's table sugar.… — Augusten Burroughs Body Copy Share Image
I remember, no matter how impossible it seemed that any given day would end, it always did. This one would, too. — Augusten Burroughs Ends Copy Share Image
“It's not such a huge deal when this happens at a 7-Eleven. It's pretty huge, though, when you spend the entire job… — Augusten Burroughs Augusten-burroughs Copy Share Image
I'm grateful for a lot of things. One is not being a drunk wreck. Or losing all four limbs in some ridiculous… — Augusten Burroughs Accidents Copy Share Image
I think people tend to see the bigger point, which is maybe not fitting in and feeling like you didn't have the… — Augusten Burroughs Able Copy Share Image
“It takes two people looking in all directions at once to see everything.” — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
“Miracles do happen. You must believe this. No matter what else you believe about life, you must believe in miracles. Because we… — Augusten Burroughs Believe in miracles Copy Share Image
“Happiness is a wonderful goal for those who are inclined on a genetic level toward that emotional end of the spectrum. Happiness… — Augusten Burroughs Goals Copy Share Image
“If we happened to be in rehearsal downstairs in my room and a neighbor padded across the lawn to rap gently on… — Augusten Burroughs Disgusting Copy Share Image
“We had a wealth of something we didn't want, but the wealth itself was intoxicating and we invented games just so we… — Augusten Burroughs Wealth Copy Share Image
“Augusten very distant tonight. Probably because of my games.” — Augusten Burroughs Sick Copy Share Image
“Give that mint Milano back, you bitch. If you can't at least be polite, you don't get a treat.” — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
I don't worry about anything in the Internet age. I have been online since I was aware of it: 1985 in San… — Augusten Burroughs Age Copy Share Image
“Dennis's superior mental health was obvious from the first date, like a cleft palate. The other thing about him was that he… — Augusten Burroughs First date Copy Share Image
I told myself, 'All I want is a normal life'. But was that true? I wasn't so sure. Because there was a… — Augusten Burroughs Consequence Copy Share Image
No matter your spiritual beliefs, if you hold any, the answer is the same: sometimes, why is not knowable. If you open… — Augusten Burroughs Answers Copy Share Image
It’s a wonder I’m even alive. Sometimes I think that. I think that I can’t believe I haven’t killed myself. But there’s… — Augusten Burroughs Alive Copy Share Image
