All Al Yankovic Quotes
- One of the hardest things I've had to deal with in my career is keeping my material topical even though I only release albums every… Albums
- Somebody will come up to me after a show and have me sign their arm, and the next time I see them my autograph has… Arm
- I love the way they run in fright when I turn on the kitchen light. And when I squish them on the ground, they make… Animal
- You slammed my face down on the barbecue grill, now my scars are all healing, but my heart never will. All
- I knew we were having problems when you put those piranhas in my bathtub again. Bathtub
- You got me stranded on the bungee tower of love. Bungee
- Every night for dinner we had a big chunk of dirt. Big
- I was abducted by some aliens from space who kind a looked like Jamie Farr. Abducted
- He died a long painful death. However, you'll be happy to hear that just a few years later he was reincarnated as Shirley MacLaine. Death
- My velvet Elvis means the world to me. Although he may not be worth much dough, he means more to me than some old Rembrandt… Dough
- My wife went off with Elvis. Elvis
- Velvet Elvis never puts on weight. Elvis
- You can try on our suede underwear if you choose. Do what you want, but don't step on my blue suede shoes. Blue
- Left all my Beatle records out in the sun, got a coke bottle stuck on the end of my tongue. All
- I'd rather clean all the bathrooms in Grand Central Station with my tongue than spend one more minute with you. All
- Until you came along I never dated anyone this low on the food chain. Along
- You make me wanna staple bagels to my face, then remove them with a pitchfork. Bagels
- I'm stranded all alone in the gas station of love, and I have to use the self service pump. All
- Nows the time to go for all the gusto you can grab. You'll have plenty of time to be low-key when you're laid out on… All
- Kind of wish I was dead. Maybe, I'll blow my brains out, mama, or maybe I'll go bowling. Blow
- It doesn't take a military genius to see we'll all be crispy critters after World War III. Activism
- I guess I lost a little bit of self-esteem that time that you made it with the whole hockey team. Bit
- I'm just a no-good, scum sucking, nose picking, boot licking, sniveling, groveling, worthless hunk of slime. Boot
- I dated Siamese twins, I slept with Big Foot, too. Get me on Sally Jesse, put me on Donahue. Art
- Midget wrestling on channel 3, it costs me 50 bucks a month. Art