...my little blurb wasn't going to win me any speaker-of-the-year awards, but at least I hadn't tripped and fallen off the stage, crushing and killing three elderly jazz fans. — Jordan Sonnenblick Copy Share Image
I’ll probably just stand in a corner, trying not to be noticed, until the decoration committee accidentally packs me into a box at the end of the night. There I will lie, crammed in between rolls of crepe paper, until… — Jordan Sonnenblick Copy Share Image
I seriously think I could have sat in the middle of the kitchen floor rubbing two sticks together over a pile of dynamite blocks… — Jordan Sonnenblick Copy Share Image
He also said that if anyone did anything to mess up the rest of the testing, he was going to call 911 personally. Yeah,… — Jordan Sonnenblick Copy Share Image
If you promise you will get better instead of dying, I promise I will, too. — Jordan Sonnenblick Copy Share Image
Mr. Watras asked me whether I was practicing, and I told him I was practicing my tissue basketball skills. — Jordan Sonnenblick Copy Share Image
“Tattitude: Wow, Jeff, who's the babe? Dangerous_pie: Your mom. Tattitude: No, the one three feet away from you. Dangerous_pie: Oh, that's Lindsey Abraham. I… — Jordan Sonnenblick Copy Share Image
“And maybe this whole thing has taught me something else about what kindness is for. Because, looking back at this year, I still basically… — Jordan Sonnenblick Copy Share Image
Take care, Jeffy. I’ll see you soon, right? Just remember not to throw food at the nurses. I don’t want to get any complaint… — Jordan Sonnenblick Copy Share Image
“Others...are so sure the world is full of nothing but bullies that they become bullies themselves, trying to hit everyone in the world first.… — Jordan Sonnenblick Copy Share Image
Note to self: It's hard to attain a state of no-mind when you're incredibly pumped up on tea and sugar and have to urinate… — Jordan Sonnenblick Copy Share Image
Or maybe...their biggest fear is that they will get close to you again, and you'll go and drop dead. — Jordan Sonnenblick Copy Share Image
Some kids do drugs. Some kids light stuff on fire. Me, I eat oats. — Jordan Sonnenblick Copy Share Image
