“I had a romance novel inside me, but I paid three sailors to beat it out of me with steel pipes.” — Patton Oswalt Copy Share Image
In my mind, I was always a comedian who was going to branch into writing. — Patton Oswalt Copy Share Image
I'm always trying out new stuff onstage. That's where I do all my writing. — Patton Oswalt Copy Share Image
Beyond any role that I ever had, really early on as a stand-up, I would see actors decide to try it and… — Patton Oswalt Copy Share Image
I've hung out in the writer's room a few times, but the fact is we've got such a good writing staff, I… — Patton Oswalt Copy Share Image
The process is to me is going onstage night after night after night after night until I get a new hour. And then once… — Patton Oswalt Copy Share Image
I can't say that I ever abided nerd stereotypes: I was never alone or felt outcast. — Patton Oswalt Copy Share Image
“If I hear the term ‘healing journey’ one more f–king time… It is not a ‘healing journey.’ It’s a ‘numb slog.’ It’s just a,… — Patton Oswalt Copy Share Image
I think I realized it was an art form at the beginning, but it took me a really long time before I was able… — Patton Oswalt Copy Share Image
I wish I had a really cool, esoteric answer, but what the process is to me is going onstage night after night after night… — Patton Oswalt Copy Share Image
If I were to just focus on stand-up, I could actually, paradoxically enough, be home way more, because I would leave on a Friday,… — Patton Oswalt Copy Share Image
“hobos' (a slang term that combines the words 'hope' and 'bowl of beans given to me for free by a woman who then initiated… — Patton Oswalt Copy Share Image
As much as I know people love the method and what you can draw out of yourself, a lot of acting is very imaginative. — Patton Oswalt Copy Share Image
We're rewarding either the reality or the appearance of youth, which is why you have all these people in their fifties trying to act… — Patton Oswalt Copy Share Image
With a comedian, it's the opposite. You put that album out, and they've heard it. If they're coming out to see you, you'd better… — Patton Oswalt Copy Share Image
If you actually do cold readings, it's very close to how people actually talk, because you're experiencing these thoughts anew every moment, and trying… — Patton Oswalt Copy Share Image
What I was trying to say in that bit, without saying it out loud, is that there were things - you're right, everything is… — Patton Oswalt Copy Share Image
