The follower counts should be hidden so we can be fair and judge people only by the quality of their tweets. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If you convince me to make me think WHAT THE FUCK you instantly get a retweet. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I hate to travel. I guess it's because my father used to beat me with a globe. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
MARRIAGE, That ceremony which makes more strange bedfellows than politics; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“Carla was wearing a No Fear sweatshirt. You are too old, Amy wanted to tell her, for legible clothing.” — Jincy Willett Copy Share Image
MARRIAGE, An event which is called tying the knot -- unfortunately, the knot can be a noose; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
That little pissed off feeling you get when a girl calls you cute. What the fuck is that supposed to mean? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
When you thought I wasn't looking I heard you say a prayer, and I knew that there is a God I could… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
No woman can be handsome by the force of features alone, any more than she can be witty only by the help… — Richard Steele Copy Share Image
You Can Waste It Or Use It For Good! What You Do Today Is Important Because You Are Exchanging A Day Of… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
Obviously, as an adult I realize this girl-on-girl sabotage is the third worst kind of female behavior, right behind saying "like" all… — Tina Fey Copy Share Image
Girl's Life Lesson 1: Crying confuses men. They get uncomfortable and will do anything to get it to stop. Take advantage. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
... Tarrasch's 'dogmas' are not eternal truisms, but merely instructional material presented in an accessible and witty form, those necessary rudiments from… — Garry Kasparov Copy Share Image
“Maybe sex with him was a mistake, but on the other hand, some mistakes are like a good margarita—impossible to stop after… — Chloe Lukas Copy Share Image
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure. — Ross Macdonald Copy Share Image
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If you wanted nothing done at all, Balfour was the man for the job. — Winston Churchill Copy Share Image
Good girls wax their floors Bad girls wax their bikini line Naughty girls wax your nutsack — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
So your name is Will, But you don't call your crotch The Willderness, then what the fuck? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
It used to be that people could be painfully boring in private. Facebook changed all that. — Andy Borowitz Copy Share Image
I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Wit, to be well defined, must be defined by wit itself; then it will be worth listening to. — Johann Georg Ritter von Zimmermann Copy Share Image
BRB Have to run to the toilet, but I'll be back in two shakes of a man's penis. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Im Kail, I was given a girls name when I was a baby because my parents are idiots. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I can't believe it's already ummm yeah whatever month of the whatever year this is! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
There's nothing wrong with you that a little Prozac and a polo mallet can't cure. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
Wit is that which has been often thought, but never before was well expressed. — Samuel Johnson Copy Share Image
Money cant buy happiness but it can buy fabulous things which can totally make you d happiest — Vedica Copy Share Image
If you follow me & expect a follow back, please do let me know! So I can block you. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Without our immigrants, who will kick our field goals, or train our white tigers? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
So heavy is the chain of wedlock that it needs two to carry it, and sometimes three. — Alexandre Dumas Copy Share Image
If A Girl Laughs Loudly She Is Cheerful If A Boy Laughs Loudly He Is Manner less — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there — Anonymous Copy Share Image
