Witty Quotes · Page 47

My plans are still in embryo, a town on the edge of wishful thinking.

— Groucho Marx

Understanding the single-line quote is like comprehending the bulky book with its title only and correctly.

— Anonymous

Getting angry is punishing yourself for the mistakes of others!

— Divya

Generally, the path of least resistance appeals. Also, I am superb at parallel parking.

— Anonymous

HUSBAND, is much like a fire -- he goes out if unattended;

— Nikhil Saluja

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

— Nikhil Saluja

I hate it when I have a tweet in my head and my friends doesn't retweet it.

— Nikhil Saluja

wit, wit! - I look upon it always as a draught of air; it cools indeed, but one gets a stiff neck…

— Katharina Elisabeth Goethe

When you mess up a guy's hair, he thinks it's cute. But when you mess up a GIRL'S hair... I hope you…

— Nikhil Saluja

I've been enjoying 'Life on the Mississippi' by Mark Twain that I picked up at the airport randomly. It's very witty and…

— Roman Coppola

Never lend a book to someone who don't know how to read, never give your heart to someone that don't know how…

— Nikhil Saluja

Women who are not living ought to spend all their time cracking jokes. In a rotten society women grow witty; making a…

— Dorothy Richardson

Given a choice between hearing my daughter say "I'm pregnant" or "I used a condom", most mothers would get up in the…

— Joycelyn Elders

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe: Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.

— Nikhil Saluja

“I don't understand this irony - valuable things like cars, gold, diamond are made up of hard materials but most valuable things…

— Amit Kalantri

If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then let's all get wasted together and have…

— Anonymous

Kindness : I never will understand all the good that a simple smile can accomplish.

— Nikhil Saluja

A woman may have a witty tongue or a stinging pen but she will never laugh at her own individual shortcomings.

— Irvin S. Cobb

“Remember what you won't get if you don't mind," her grandfather remarked.”

— Flannery O'Connor

If life hands you lemons, make lemonade; if it hands you tomatoes, make vegetable stew.

— Nikhil Saluja

Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.

— David Gerrold

LOVER(S), A person who could only be more perfect if your partner turned into a pizza at 4:00 am

— Nikhil Saluja

I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.

— Johnny Carson

When it comes to sex and phone calls, I have mastered the art of keeping them under a few minutes.

— Nikhil Saluja

The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

— Nikhil Saluja

If she's still able to walk to the kitchen after sex, you don't deserve a sandwich.

— Psyche_Zeroh

“Never stick your tongue out at someone you can't lick.”

— Sid Bolon

Sex can lead to nasty things like herpes, gonorrhea, and relationships.

— Nikhil Saluja

Philosopher: A masochistic fool who will be considered a genius once dead.

— Nikhil Saluja

If sex were shoes, I'd wear you out. But I wouldn't wear you out in public.

— Jarod Kintz

A witty illustration or an apt story will accomplish more than columns of argument.

— Chauncey Depew

I feel like I'm a cockroach when I'm sleeping on my back trying to get up

— Nikhil Saluja

“Even if it's a witty, singing and dancing turd, it's still a turd.”

— Stephen King

When a man goes on a date he wonders if he is going to get lucky. A woman already knows.

— Frederick Bushnell Ryder

To be witty is not enough. One must possess sufficient wit to avoid having too much of it.

— Andre Maurois

Wit ought to be a glorious treat like caviar; never spread it about like marmalade.

— Noel Coward

Everyone striving to be witty and sought-after, everyone talking and no one listening...

— Lisa Kleypas

There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils.

— Nikhil Saluja

Music can be witty, but it's not funny unless it's conceptually funny.

— Alan Menken