Witty Quotes · Page 41

HUSBAND, is much like a fire -- he goes out if unattended;

— Nikhil Saluja

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

— Nikhil Saluja

I hate it when I have a tweet in my head and my friends doesn't retweet it.

— Nikhil Saluja

wit, wit! - I look upon it always as a draught of air; it cools indeed, but one gets a stiff neck…

— Katharina Elisabeth Goethe

Kindness : I never will understand all the good that a simple smile can accomplish.

— Nikhil Saluja

A woman may have a witty tongue or a stinging pen but she will never laugh at her own individual shortcomings.

— Irvin S. Cobb

“Remember what you won't get if you don't mind," her grandfather remarked.”

— Flannery O'Connor

If life hands you lemons, make lemonade; if it hands you tomatoes, make vegetable stew.

— Nikhil Saluja

To obtain an assured favorable response from people, it is better to offer them something for their stomachs instead of their brains.

— Albert Einstein

Generally speaking, there is more wit than talent in the world. Society swarms with witty people who lack talent.

— Antoine Rivarol

Wit isn't a useful instrument of defense; it may make a short-run appeal, but it creates a backlash- one saw this in…

— Diana Trilling

There is no question that there is an unseen world. The problem is, how far is it from midtown and how late…

— Woody Allen

Laugh not too much; the witty man laughs least: For wit is news only to ignorance. Lesse at thine own things laugh;…

— George Herbert

For all the young girls getting tattoos, Remember: A butterfly on the back becomes a buzzard in the crack when you get…

— Nikhil Saluja

WIFE, A woman who can spot a blond hair on her husband's coat from ten feet away but can never see a…

— Nikhil Saluja

Oh, everything's too damned expensive these days. Like this Bible. It cost 15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book! Everybody's a…

— Nikhil Saluja

Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.

— David Gerrold

Without our immigrants, who will kick our field goals, or train our white tigers?

— Nikhil Saluja

If one studies too zealously, one easily loses his pants.

— Albert Einstein

So heavy is the chain of wedlock that it needs two to carry it, and sometimes three.

— Alexandre Dumas

If A Girl Laughs Loudly She Is Cheerful If A Boy Laughs Loudly He Is Manner less

— Nikhil Saluja

If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there

— Anonymous

This isn't an office-It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

— Nikhil Saluja

Understanding the single-line quote is like comprehending the bulky book with its title only and correctly.

— Anonymous

My plans are still in embryo, a town on the edge of wishful thinking.

— Groucho Marx

I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.

— Groucho Marx

Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

— Nikhil Saluja

Wit, to be well defined, must be defined by wit itself; then it will be worth listening to.

— Johann Georg Ritter von Zimmermann

BRB Have to run to the toilet, but I'll be back in two shakes of a man's penis.

— Nikhil Saluja

I can't believe it's already ummm yeah whatever month of the whatever year this is!

— Nikhil Saluja

Im Kail, I was given a girls name when I was a baby because my parents are idiots.

— Anonymous

A smile is nearly always inspired by another smile. :) :)

— Nikhil Saluja

There's nothing wrong with you that a little Prozac and a polo mallet can't cure.

— Woody Allen

Wit is that which has been often thought, but never before was well expressed.

— Samuel Johnson

Money cant buy happiness but it can buy fabulous things which can totally make you d happiest

— Vedica

If you follow me & expect a follow back, please do let me know! So I can block you.

— Nikhil Saluja

Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.

— Ross Macdonald

The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

— Nikhil Saluja

Never be afraid to take some chances. That's how you grow.

— Nikhil Saluja