Make sure all open sores on penis have thoroughly dried and scabbed over before use. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Don't Take It Seriously * When the TELEPHONE GUY says, Would you like it On the table or against the wall? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron. — Phyllis Diller Copy Share Image
“Cowards say it can't be done, critics say it shouldn't have been done, creator say well done.” — Amit Kalantri Copy Share Image
Do not, no matter how much peers may pressure you, allow anyone to get to third base with you. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I mean, I do love clever and witty, but I think that the 'Three Stooges' were geniuses. They'd have to be for… — Paula Poundstone Copy Share Image
I have always considered myself an expert on women's liberation . In the last fifteen years ,I have given two their freedom myself. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“My wife was saying to me just the other day how she's noticed a spring in my step lately. That was because… — Derek Landy Copy Share Image
“She was quick of mind and swift of tongue, always ready to answer a set down with the kind of witty rebuke… — Geraldine Brooks Copy Share Image
Men learn to love the woman they are attracted to. Women learn to become attracted to the man they fall in love… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
I often feel I'm a disappointment to people because they expect me to be the guy in the books. When I sit… — Bill Bryson Copy Share Image
A word of kindness is seldom spoken in vain, while witty saying are as easily lost as the pearls slipping from a… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
While looking for love I sent my pictures to the Lonely Hearts Club. The reply came back, We are not that lonely. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Some people's noses and feet are built backwards: their feet smell and their noses run. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
These people are harassing me badly, they said they'll cut…… if I don't pay my phone bill on time. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“Spanish—how shall I say this?—is like Portuguese spoken with a speech impediment.” — Sol Luckman Copy Share Image
There are only 2 things wrong in family reunion. The family thing & The reunion thing. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Don't get shock if I unfollow you. It was completely your fault (for thinking I am different). — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
It will never be perfect, but perfect is overrated. Perfect is boring on live TV. — Tina Fey Copy Share Image
I didn't give a fuck until I drank Red Bull. Now I don't give a flying fuck. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Good people are good because they've come to wisdom through failure. — William Saroyan Copy Share Image
I thought of you today. I saw a cockroach and you crossed my mind. I stepped on it. — Jazmin Garcia Copy Share Image
We would all like to vote for the best man but he is never a candidate. — Kin Hubbard Copy Share Image
The good thing about masturbation is that you don't have to get dressed up for it. — Truman Capote Copy Share Image
With all these shit stains, shut your ass hole doesn't offend me at all — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
SEX DRIVE, a physical craving which appears at puberty and ends at marriage — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Sometimes I want to sit on my right hand so it feels like someone else is stopping me from masturbating. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I am not only witty in myself, but the cause that wit is in other men. — William Shakespeare Copy Share Image
The rarest sight in the world is a woman who is happy with photographs of herself. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Art should be witty, like a good Eddie Murphy movie, to make your life a little easier and better. — William Quigley Copy Share Image
