I got a teenage daughter and a menopausal wife. One's getting breasts, one's getting whiskers. My life is over. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Good girls say no Bad girls say when? Naughty girls don't say anything, they just moan and scream a lot. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“How come if people keep telling me I'm so smart, I keep doing such stupid things?” — George Watsky Copy Share Image
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Gay people don’t actually try to convert people. That’s Jehovah’s Witnesses you’re thinking of. — Tina Fey Copy Share Image
A witty writer is like a porcupine; his quill makes no distinction between friend and foe. — Josh Billings Copy Share Image
“You had to be charming and witty and not cringe at their dirty jokes. It was a Mad Men kind of atmosphere.” — Lynn Povich Copy Share Image
Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore. I realized it was killing conversation. When you're always trying for… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Two things in life that are difficult to achieve: 1. To plant your idea in someone's head. 2. To plant someone's money… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Forget treating others as you wish to be treated...treat others the way they treat you (could be a lot more interesting!) — Sarah Moores Copy Share Image
MARRIAGE CEREMONY, a ritual which should be written (o cut down on divorces) -- by adding a line to the groom's questions… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Lady Astor: If you were my husband, I'd poison your tea. Winston Churchill: Madam, if I were your husband, I'd drink it! — Psyche_Zeroh Copy Share Image
“C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do it blows your whole… — Bjarne Stroustrup Copy Share Image
Good girls think the office is the wrong place to have a romance Bad girls think no place is the wrong place… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“Pelagia put her hands on her hips, taking advantage of the superiority implicit in the fact that she was standing and he… — Louis de Bernières Copy Share Image
If I ask to suck your boobs when I wake up, does that count as sleeping like a baby? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
When scientists do discover the center of the universe dont be disappointed that its not you — Ana Chable Copy Share Image
Stop posting non-sense phrases on your status if you dont know the right spilling.. — Rude-dale Copy Share Image
Husbands are like guns ... keep one around for long enough and you're gonna want to shoot it! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I read the newspaper every day just to see if there's anyone I know in the obituaries or the underwear ads. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
No matter how good she looks, Some other guy is sick and tired Of putting up with her shit. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I love gentiles. In fact, on of my favorite activities is Protestant spotting. — Mel Brooks Copy Share Image
I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more fucked up than you think. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
LOVER(S), A person who could only be more perfect if your partner turned into a pizza at 4:00 am — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
When it comes to sex and phone calls, I have mastered the art of keeping them under a few minutes. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing. — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
If she's still able to walk to the kitchen after sex, you don't deserve a sandwich. — Psyche_Zeroh Copy Share Image
Philosopher: A masochistic fool who will be considered a genius once dead. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Sex can lead to nasty things like herpes, gonorrhea, and relationships. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If sex were shoes, I'd wear you out. But I wouldn't wear you out in public. — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
A witty illustration or an apt story will accomplish more than columns of argument. — Chauncey Depew Copy Share Image
Generally, the path of least resistance appeals. Also, I am superb at parallel parking. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
