Don't keep reaching for the stars because you'll just look like an idiot stretching that way for no reason. — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
President Obama said that over 40 countries have offered to help the U.S. fight ISIS. Of course they said it the same… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
President Obama recently sat down with ESPN and said the NCAA should reduce the shot clock for basketball games. Then he said,… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Thank you... adjustable baseball caps with no logo on the front and mesh netting in the back, for being a great way… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Even the White House is weighing in on the deflate-gate scandal. Yesterday they encouraged Tom Brady to 'be mindful of the way… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
We have first lady Michelle Obama on the show tonight. As you'd expect, security's been pretty tight. On my way in I… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Jeb Bush gave a speech yesterday. He had a pretty rough time. He accidentally said that ISIS has 200,000 men instead of… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
The key to happiness. Hm.... There are just so many factors. I think it's just a way of being. It's about.... every… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Sources say the Obama administration is in the 'final stages' of planning the closing of Guantanamo Bay. The way it's gonna work… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Thank you, yard sales, for being the perfect way to say to your neighbors: 'We think we're important enough to charge money… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Researchers in the U.K. have developed a vegetable called super broccoli designed to fight heart disease. Not to be outdone, researchers in… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
A peacock escaped from the Central Park Zoo and wandered around the city. Either that or I just saw a pigeon on… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Politicians are really getting desperate. In fact, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid sent out a final fundraising email to Democrats with the… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Steven Spielberg is going to release a biopic about Abraham Lincoln next year. Right, that's a good way to honor Lincoln … — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
A new survey found that 12 percent of parents punish their kids by banning social networking sites. The other 88 percent punish their kids… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
I read that as marijuana legalization becomes more popular, it could affect the jobs of drug-sniffing dogs. Or as those dogs put it, 'Thanks,… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
NASA is developing space taxis to shuttle astronauts to the International Space Station. And just like New York taxis, they're all going to be… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
In a recent attack ad, the NRA claims that President Obama cares about his own children more than he cares about other children. In… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
After Donald Trump wrote Lindsey Graham's cellphone number on a piece of paper and showed it to everybody, Graham said he's getting a new… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Yesterday on CNN, Joe Biden said he hasn't made up his mind about whether he'll run for president in 2016. Which raises the question:… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
A clothing company is making T-shirts inspired by Bernie Sanders with messages like 'Feel the Bern.' They were gonna make them for Lincoln Chafee… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Arizona just became the 15th state to approve medical marijuana. So I give it three days before they stop caring about the whole immigration… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
I became a Yankees fan for a few years. But now, I gotta say, I'm really rooting for the Red Sox. — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
My dream was to grow up and get a job at IBM, like my dad. That seemed like a logical dream. — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
The federal government is starting to plan for climate change by making extended forecasts that can help people plan for extreme weather - because… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Yesterday, the Supreme Court spent over an hour listening to arguments on whether Obamacare is unconstitutional. Yeah, listening to arguments about Obamacare for an… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
