“I have a protective coating, like a tank. It’s called Love. And when I get you naked, I’ll want to make war… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to declare war on a country made of glass. I’ll bet those citizens would love to drink… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to start a civil war. And then that same brick could be used to start building the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to warn your enemy that you are coming—and that you are warm. Where’s the cold war when… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Is it any wonder that war is senseless? It’s started by politicians. As a class, politicians have no class, and even less… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“In a battle, an army of farts would surely beat an army of noses, even if those noses were armed with fingers… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I will never buy a fish tank, because I don't believe in supporting the funding of aquatic war machines.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to foil slave traders. But so could tinfoil and leftover meatloaf. Geez, the whole Civil War could… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s nothing funny about war. Well, aside from this joke Orafoura told me: What did WWI say to WWII? I wish I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It’s hard to hear over the racket of gunfire. Politicians want to talk about war, but the people want to talk about… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Orafoura once told me that if I were a car, I’d be a Ferrari. One that was scratched smashed, rusted, and stolen.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“What makes a good leader? I ask myself this every day, and then as I begin to list off characteristics I realize I’m describing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
