People don't think of their office as a workplace anymore. They think of it as a stationary store with Danish. You want… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there's no… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
I know there are kids out there, I want to make sure they all know that driving without braking is not something… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
Cremation has become the most popular form of burial in the United States... People used to want a big, thick granite stone,… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
You want to do good things, and once you've done a couple of good things in a row, you think 'Well gee,… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
I do a little thing about the way people shake the sweetener packet. You know, like they're all excited. I want to… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
Why would you want to work for a living if you could just joke around? Being a celebrity expands your commercial possibilities. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
We’re all trying to get to the same island, whether you swim, fly, surf, or skydive in, it doesn’t matter. What matters is when… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
I have a nice bookshelf in my office, but not my house. I'm crass, but not that crass. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
There's no downside to fame and people who whine about it make me sick. It's the greatest thing in the world. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
We're all trying to get to the same island — whether you swim, fly, surf, or skydive, it doesn't matter. What matters is when… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
I was in the drug store the other day trying to get a cold medication...Not easy. There's an entire wall of products you need.… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
I went up to the camp and Paul had me eat my first oyster I had never had an oyster in my life. And… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
Then, finally, the third year, begging the parents, I got the Superman Halloween costume. Cardboard box, self-made top, mask included. Remember the rubber band… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
This is really a crazy idea, you know. It probably won't work, but that will be interesting, too. You have to motivate yourself with… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
If you get something right, you really feel it, right in your chest, on stage. I think it's an incomparable experience. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
People have an infinite attention span if you are entertaining them. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
It's hard to do nothing because you tend to do something and then you have to drop everything. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
