I love advertising because I love lying. I think spending your life trying to dupe innocent people out of hard-won earnings to… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
The Olympics is my favourite sporting event. Although I have a problem with that silver medal. When you think about it, you… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
I think that you think that a certain something is not all that it could be, when, in fact, it is all… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
Have you ever noticed that the waiter who takes your order is not the one who brings your food anymore? What is… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
Did you ever notice, when you are sitting at a red light, that when the person in front of you pulls up… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
A dog will stay stupid. That's why we love them so much. The entire time we know them, they're idiots. Think of… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
We know the product is going to stink. We know that because we live in the world, and we know that everything… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
We’re all trying to get to the same island, whether you swim, fly, surf, or skydive in, it doesn’t matter. What matters is when… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
I have a nice bookshelf in my office, but not my house. I'm crass, but not that crass. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
There's no downside to fame and people who whine about it make me sick. It's the greatest thing in the world. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
We're all trying to get to the same island — whether you swim, fly, surf, or skydive, it doesn't matter. What matters is when… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
I was in the drug store the other day trying to get a cold medication...Not easy. There's an entire wall of products you need.… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
I went up to the camp and Paul had me eat my first oyster I had never had an oyster in my life. And… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
Then, finally, the third year, begging the parents, I got the Superman Halloween costume. Cardboard box, self-made top, mask included. Remember the rubber band… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
This is really a crazy idea, you know. It probably won't work, but that will be interesting, too. You have to motivate yourself with… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
If you get something right, you really feel it, right in your chest, on stage. I think it's an incomparable experience. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
People have an infinite attention span if you are entertaining them. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
It's hard to do nothing because you tend to do something and then you have to drop everything. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
