You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Thanksgiving is the day when you turn to another family member and say, 'How long has Mom been drinking like this?' My… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak. — Phyllis Diller Copy Share Image
You know that just before that first Thanksgiving dinner there was one wise, old Native American woman saying, Don't feed them. If… — Dylan Brody Copy Share Image
But see, in our open clearings, how golden the melons lie; Enrich them with sweets and spices, and give us the pumpkin-pie! — Margaret Junkin Preston Copy Share Image
I like football. I find its an exciting strategic game. Its a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
It was dramatic to watch my grandmother decapitate a turkey with an ax the day before Thanksgiving. Nowadays the expense of hiring… — Russell Baker Copy Share Image
What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
It must be an odd feeling to be thankful to nobody in particular. Christians in public institutions often see this odd thing… — Cornelius Plantinga Copy Share Image
