In grade school I was smart, but I didn't have any friends. In high school, I quit being smart and started having… — David Spade Copy Share Image
Horrible date all through high school and college. Here's an impression of me on a date in high school. Come on, chug… — David Spade Copy Share Image
I talk to my dad all the time, he's more like my buddy than my father, and he's not happy that I use him… — David Spade Copy Share Image
“I’d tell her to come over at 10 A.M. and she’d roll in at 10:45 with a Starbucks going “The fucking 405 was nuts… — David Spade Copy Share Image
My fellow nerds and I will retire to the nerdery with our calculators. — David Spade Copy Share Image
Gossip is a plague that consumes weak, gullible people and blinds them from the truth of reality; it can devour entire city's. I prefer… — David Spade Copy Share Image
A friend of Nicole Ritchie told the New York Post that Nicole is definitely pregnant. — David Spade Copy Share Image
Whenever you get on the plane, the flight attendant will always tell you the name of your pilot. Like anyone goes, Oh, he's good. — David Spade Copy Share Image
On Sundays, I lay low, sulk a lot, and try to get my head together for next week. — David Spade Copy Share Image
I have no stories to sell. A lot of my relationships are with civilians, and no one wants to hear about those. — David Spade Copy Share Image
