Sarcastic Quotes · Page 16

Learn from your parents mistakes -- use birth control.

— Anonymous

If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies?

— Anonymous

90% of the time, I am being sarcastic and/or a smartass.

— Anonymous

He makes a very handsome corpse and becomes his coffin prodigiously.

— Oliver Goldsmith

Being attacked by him is like being savaged by a dead sheep.

— Denis Healey

It's like cuddling with a Butterball turkey.

— Jeff Foxworthy

If you dont want a sarcastic answer, dont ask a stupid question

— Fading_scars

In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.

— Charles Maurice de Talleyrand

Cheaters want you to be loyal while they're being unfaithful. Makes sense.

— Anonymous

Don't let your mind wander, it's far too small to be let out on its own.

— Anonymous

Apparently twilight is so popular because teenagers can relate to it. Oh yeah I remember the time when I was a vampire.

— Anonymous

When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag…

— Anonymous

Dear 11 year old on Facebook with 'It's complicated.' Seriously????? What did he do??? Steal your animal crackers??

— Anonymous

At first I thought he was walking a dog. Then I realized it was his date.

— Edith Massey

You are not obnoxious like so many other people, you are obnoxious in a completely different and far worse way.

— Anonymous

Gaia spins on, silently contemplating what it means to be born into a sarcastic universe.

— David Brin

I have seen slower people than I am and more deliberate... and even quieter, and more listless, and lazier people than I…

— Mark Twain

“She lifted up a bag on her shoulder and informed me that not only had she brought me a swim suit, it…

— Penny Reid

Making others happy, through kindness of speech and sincerity of right advice, is a sign of true greatness. To hurt another soul…

— Paramahansa Yogananda

My brother and I both like sarcastic, insulting comedy, so that's a way we communicate. Somehow that's what we learned. My mom…

— Moshe Kasher

“We went to Mexico, had some tequlia, eloped with a pair of drug smugglers, and took part-time jobs as exotic dancers. You…

— Jennifer Lynn Barnes

I got into therapy in the fifth grade because I said in a sarcastic way that I was going to kill myself,…

— Fiona Apple

We're both [with Mark Wahlberg] capable of being sarcastic, vicious, violent lunatics, but we hold each other in check, appeal to the…

— Peter Berg

I'm sarcastic & I have a smart a* attitude! It's a natural defense against drama, bullshit and stupidity, and I don't give…

— Anonymous

“You don’t drink coffee? Are you human?”

— Karen Rose

I'm a sarcastic person, and people don't get my humor sometimes.

— Sarah Hyland

He strains his conversation through a cigar.

— Hamilton Wright Mabie

You have an inferiority complex and it is fully justified.

— Anonymous

She never was really charming till she died.

— Terence

Walmart: Let's buy 30 cash registers...and í only keep two open

— Anonymous

“Feed a dog so your neighbor won't bark at you.”

— Ljupka Cvetanova

I've come across rotting bodies that are less offensive than you are.

— Anonymous

I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see you are unarmed!

— Anonymous

Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

— George Carlin

Love is like a roller coaster, when it's all over you throw up!

— Anonymous

Writers are interesting people, but often mean and petty.

— Lillian Hellman

I may be rude sometimes but that doesn't mean that's my autograph!

— Rose Hathway

I always get the better when I argue alone.

— Oliver Goldsmith

“In every day and in every way, we're all that much closer to death.”

— Charles Atkins

I have only one ambition left: I should like to have a good epitaph.

— Otto von Bismarck