Sometimes you can do certain things on stage, or even in a TV series, and people see the look on your face… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
When you interrupt, you've stopped listening. People need to be heard. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
Everybody lies about sex. People lie during sex. If it weren't for lies, there'd be no sex. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
People don't just bump into each other and have sex. This isn't Cinemax. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
People should get married because they have finally seen the folly of being single: "Oh, this is all just kind of a… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
The only way a show works is you find people who you think are qualified and talented and you give them a… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
Most people, you do a TV series, it ends three, four, five years later; it's a relic, — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
I'll tell you what I like about Chinese people: they're hanging in there with the chop sticks, aren't they? You know they've… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
I've compiled a book from the Internet. It's a book of quotations attributed to the wrong people. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
When you're in comedy, people always come up and say, 'Oh, it must be so hard.' It really isn't hard unless you're… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they’re killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? 'Sweetheart,… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
I love advertising because I love lying. I think spending your life trying to dupe innocent people out of hard-won earnings to… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
There are very few people who really appreciate my shows. People come to the show and they pay and they enjoy it,… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
I can walk through a hotel lobby and watch people at the desk and see what they're doing. People don't look at… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
I kind of thought that stand-up comedy would suffer from the Internet because people seem to know more about the craft of… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
Cremation has become the most popular form of burial in the United States... People used to want a big, thick granite stone,… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
What is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses like they're trophies. What do you need it… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
I do a little thing about the way people shake the sweetener packet. You know, like they're all excited. I want to… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
Forty is when you actually begin even deserving to be on stage telling people what you think. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
We know the product is going to stink. We know that because we live in the world, and we know that everything… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
We’re all trying to get to the same island, whether you swim, fly, surf, or skydive in, it doesn’t matter. What matters is when… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
I have a nice bookshelf in my office, but not my house. I'm crass, but not that crass. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
There's no downside to fame and people who whine about it make me sick. It's the greatest thing in the world. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
We're all trying to get to the same island — whether you swim, fly, surf, or skydive, it doesn't matter. What matters is when… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
I was in the drug store the other day trying to get a cold medication...Not easy. There's an entire wall of products you need.… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
I went up to the camp and Paul had me eat my first oyster I had never had an oyster in my life. And… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
Then, finally, the third year, begging the parents, I got the Superman Halloween costume. Cardboard box, self-made top, mask included. Remember the rubber band… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
This is really a crazy idea, you know. It probably won't work, but that will be interesting, too. You have to motivate yourself with… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
If you get something right, you really feel it, right in your chest, on stage. I think it's an incomparable experience. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
People have an infinite attention span if you are entertaining them. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
It's hard to do nothing because you tend to do something and then you have to drop everything. — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
