I've been told by the BBC that if I make one more offensive remark, anywhere, at any time, I will be sacked.… — Jeremy Clarkson Copy Share Image
They are by far the worst drivers. They are spiteful, dithering, old and in the way. They should have their licences taken… — Jeremy Clarkson Copy Share Image
If the Scottish want to break away, I shall stand on Hadrian's Wall with a teary handkerchief, and say: 'Good riddance to… — Jeremy Clarkson Copy Share Image
This is a hard job. Change gear, change gear, change gear, check mirror, murder a prostitute, change gear, change gear, murder. That's… — Jeremy Clarkson Copy Share Image
We live in the worst country in the world. At least we do for lazy, inefficient, office-bound police, whose response to an… — Jeremy Clarkson Copy Share Image
Do not cruise through red lights. Because if I'm coming the other way, I will run you down, for fun. — Jeremy Clarkson Copy Share Image
Change gear, change gear, check mirror, murder a prostitute, change gear, change gear, murder. That's a lot of effort in a day. — Jeremy Clarkson Copy Share Image
When you've finished using a car, put the f***ing seat back, so humans can use it afterwards. — Jeremy Clarkson Copy Share Image
“I took ten days off and by 11 o’clock on the first morning I had drunk fourteen cups of coffee, read all the newspapers… — Jeremy Clarkson Copy Share Image
I dish the dirt out, and I can take it. But why should my mother and children have to take it? In 20 years,… — Jeremy Clarkson Copy Share Image
This is perfect for India because everyone who comes here gets the trots. — Jeremy Clarkson Copy Share Image
“Make no mistake, Concorde was an extraordinary technological achievement. Almost certainly, one of the greatest.” — Jeremy Clarkson Copy Share Image
Telling people at a dinner party you drive a Nissan Almera is like telling them you've got the Ebola virus and you're about to… — Jeremy Clarkson Copy Share Image
We all know that small cars are good for us. But so is cod liver oil. And jogging. — Jeremy Clarkson Copy Share Image
“Lego, however, is always opened and then left lying around so adults have something to tread on when they are prowling around around the… — Jeremy Clarkson Copy Share Image
She can take a year to read something, whereas I like a book that becomes more important in my life that life itself. When… — Jeremy Clarkson Copy Share Image
You know what, I distinctly remember my boat blew up and I was killed! — Jeremy Clarkson Copy Share Image
Because drug dealers shoot each other in London, Norfolk farmers can't have guns to defend their homes. I mean, no one wants a gun… — Jeremy Clarkson Copy Share Image
“Three chums would find themselves at a loose end for whatever reason and would agree to travel together to foreign lands for the purposes… — Jeremy Clarkson Copy Share Image
“and although the W came along in the tenth century, modern Germans still seem to manage perfectly well by using a V instead. Except… — Jeremy Clarkson Copy Share Image
