At MakerBot, we joke that if we were engineers we would still be on our first prototype. There's something about just 'Doing… — Bre Pettis Copy Share Image
Barack Obama is like the old joke about boats. The two best days of owning a boat are the day you buy… — Howie Carr Copy Share Image
Slavery is nothing to joke about! And the history of this nation's [the USA's] involvement with slavery is nothing to pass off… — Douglas Wilder Copy Share Image
We were having tea with my mother-in-law the other day and out of the blue she said, "I've decided I want to… — Dave Spikey Copy Share Image
I enjoy life when things are happening. I don't care if it's good things or bad things. That means you're alive. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
The only thing worse than it raining after you wash your car... Is having to poop as soon as you get out… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I love south africa : they ask this guy : So sir will ever try do bicycle stunts: SiR: No I am… — Syntific Copy Share Image
To me, the highest expression of life is art with jokes. It's very rarified, very difficult to accomplish if you want to… — Neil Peart Copy Share Image
Where do you come up with these zingers, Clint? Do you own some kind of joke factory in Indonesia where you've got… — John Green Copy Share Image
The running joke on set [of the Westworlds] was that everyone at some point thinks that they're Anthony Hopkins. Like, "Guys, I… — Evan Rachel Wood Copy Share Image
The toughest nights when I was a young, unknown comedian were opening for these real old-time Italian singers. I'm like Grace Jones… — Jerry Seinfeld Copy Share Image
Americans, too many of them, take themselves too seriously. You're going to get rapped - by the viewers, by the sponsors and… — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
The worst was I had little control in terms of smoothing out my questions and making myself look good the way I… — Jancee Dunn Copy Share Image
Europeans hate the way Americans talk. They think we're loud and uncouth and they don't like our jokes, except for Michael Moore.… — Denis Boyles Copy Share Image
White men have screwed this country up! I would like a black, female…. everything all rolled into one.I want something different. I… — Denis Leary Copy Share Image
I feel that after all those horrible reviews and jokes, I wasn't crazy all these years to stand up for the music… — Barry Manilow Copy Share Image
My gift was in comedy. I found out I could make jokes. I could tell jokes. I could write them. So over… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
Have you ever heard of the theory of relativity?" Artemis blinked. "Is this a joke? I have traveled through time, Doctor. I… — Eoin Colfer Copy Share Image
I realised that all one really had to do was just observe. Observe and slightly exaggerate, and you had comedy. Instead of… — Mel Brooks Copy Share Image
Wonder Showzen was one of the first shows that realized each sketch, each segment is essentially one joke, and, once you know… — Eric Andre Copy Share Image
My music started out as a complete joke, so really all I was doing was going for witty punchlines to make all… — Mike Stud Copy Share Image
Any time you can be with like-minded people, laughing or crying over the same joke or the same scene... For me, it's… — Michael De Luca Copy Share Image
My comedy is for adults, but you can have your kids listen to it. They won't get all the jokes because hopefully… — Henry Cho Copy Share Image
I go to the dentist every six months, I get a cleaning, so... I'm fortunate enough that those fluoride treatments as a… — Daniel Tosh Copy Share Image
Husband: Tell me an Interesting fact that will make me happy and sad at the same time. Wife: Yours is bigger than… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I just killed a spider and there's blood everywhere because the spider was on my wife's face. I'm a murderer, guys. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Ah, Signor Halt,' he said uncertainly, 'you are making a joke, yes?' 'He is making a joke, no,' Will said. 'But he… — John Flanagan Copy Share Image
There are certain things I don't want to joke about. If it's about somebody else, it's fine. If it's about me, I… — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share Image
I know what you're thinking: why is Chris Rock bagging groceries? But I dropped out of high school in the tenth grade,… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
There has been nothing more impactful on my life and meaningful to me than the introduction of Christ. That, hands down, blows… — Steve Harvey Copy Share Image
If you're going to have a book full of clever people and nobody ever jokes, it's just not going to ring true… — Patrick Rothfuss Copy Share Image
If Harriet Miers were not a crony of the president of the United States, her nomination to the Supreme Court would be… — Charles Krauthammer Copy Share Image
We're gonna have to sweeten some of these jokes for the CD. You know what sweeten means, right? Sweeten is a show-biz… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
If you were on the phone with me and Tommy right now, we would probably forget you were there, we'd just be… — Nikki Sixx Copy Share Image
So this year we doing the whole jesus on the cross thing .. All you Jesus wannabees inbox .. you definately gonna get nailed .. — Joey Bones Copy Share Image
Comedy is all about the joke. Comedies usually don't do anything fancy with the camera [or] the lighting. It doesn't matter. It… — Fede Alvarez Copy Share Image
“Some men would not still be HIV negative or alive, if they had managed to sleep with some of the women with… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
There's [John Mulaney Show] jokes that I have in stand up that I wouldn't try to put in, I would try to… — John Mulaney Copy Share Image
Mother to daughter advice: Cook a man a fish and you feed him for a day. But teach a man to fish… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'd much rather be on stage talking to a couple of retards for twenty bucks than sitting at my desk thinking up… — Larry David Copy Share Image
![“Slavery is nothing to joke about! And the history of this nation's [the USA's] involvement with slavery is nothing to pass off in a joke.” quote by Douglas Wilder](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b67/douglas-wilder-24913_history_slavery-is-nothing-to-joke-about-and-the_2132743.png)
![“The running joke on set [of the Westworlds] was that everyone at some point thinks that they're Anthony Hopkins. Like, "Guys, I think I'm Dr. Ford. I'm Anthony Hopkins. That's the twist." We love all of the theories. Part of the fun of that show is figuring it out.” quote by Evan Rachel Wood](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3e5/evan-rachel-wood-6643_anthony-hopkins_the-running-joke-on-set-of-the-westworld_745678.png)
![“Comedy is all about the joke. Comedies usually don't do anything fancy with the camera [or] the lighting. It doesn't matter. It should never be fancy.” quote by Fede Alvarez](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/301/fede-alvarez-12117_cameras_comedy-is-all-about-the-joke-comedies-us_250669.jpg)
![“There's [John Mulaney Show] jokes that I have in stand up that I wouldn't try to put in, I would try to have someone just speak extemporaneously in the middle of a scene about an episode of "Law and Order" or something.” quote by John Mulaney](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6b3/john-mulaney-7291_episodes_there-s-john-mulaney-show-jokes-that-i-h_1959102.jpg)
