If you have to do something, write me a funny AIDS play. Sure you can. It's the biggest joke played on us… — Robert Patrick Copy Share Image
When somebody mangles one of my jokes, that bothers me more than somebody saying that I'm the worst comedian ever. — Hannibal Buress Copy Share Image
People get so heated about it and can't see the funny side, I think. And plus, everything's been said. It must be… — Diane Morgan Copy Share Image
Furious protesters don't come after you for jokes at the expense of people; they come after you for jokes at the expense… — David Baddiel Copy Share Image
I still think that, hopefully, you're not ahead of the jokes, and I think that has value. There is a punchline and… — David Cross Copy Share Image
For Europeans a president having an affair, especially in France, is a joke. No one cares, it would never bring this kind… — Julie Delpy Copy Share Image
A satirist is someone who has a very skeptical view of human nature, but who still has the optimism to make some… — Stanley Kubrick Copy Share Image
I make jokes about the fact that as a neuro-surgeon I shouldn't be required at a motor race because the drivers don't… — Sid Watkins Copy Share Image
The human animal ... is ... neither male nor female ... And if I am allowed to jest a little in passing,… — Marie de Gournay Copy Share Image
I wasn't really that good at being a musician. And then I tried being a standup. I was an actor. I was… — Garry Marshall Copy Share Image
“There's a lot of guys up there who like wearing a suit or try doing jokes that they think will play to… — Jim Jefferies Copy Share Image
Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be… — Tim Vine Copy Share Image
There is a grandeur in the uniformity of the mass. When a fashion, a dance, a song, a slogan or a joke… — Eric Hoffer Copy Share Image
In a weird way, it's not different from any other kind of joke-telling. You make those calculations about jokes about celebrities: is… — Michael Schur Copy Share Image
I don't get the animosity when someone tells a joke that you don't like. Whereas if someone made a dish that you… — Brad Williams Copy Share Image
Surprisingly, a large number of people who fell out with their partners contacted us, saying that they would love to fly on… — Richard Branson Copy Share Image
The simile has to match the tone of its surroundings and has to be like a little joke. Writing a simile that… — Ned Beauman Copy Share Image
Anytime I can get either of them really laughing, I immediately pull out a pad of paper write the joke down, regardless… — Anthony Marra Copy Share Image
My jokes are in my head and I have a duplicate copy of my jokes in a lot of British comics' heads,… — Emo Philips Copy Share Image
I used to take someone with me for the chemotherapy so I could do jokes. You always try and find something absurd. — Jennifer Saunders Copy Share Image
A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I'm not sure if I'm depressed. I mean, I'm not exactly sad. But I'm not exactly happy either. I can laugh and… — John Green Copy Share Image
My father was the king of the joke-tellers. I was so impressed as a child watching him, holding people in rapt attention. — Carol Leifer Copy Share Image
The jokes are great but what really matters for a comedian is his performance, his whole attitude, and the laughs that he… — Jack Dee Copy Share Image
When you thought I wasn't looking I learned most of life's lessons that I need to know to be a good and… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
she doesn’t really have a sense of humor. I think she’d like to have one—it’s just that she doesn’t quite understand what… — Sophie Kinsella Copy Share Image
Wouldn't it be a helluva joke if all this were really burnt cork and you people were being tolerant for nuthin'? — Dick Gregory Copy Share Image
There is nothing that's off limits. If people think something is off limits, I make it my business to go make a… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
Dear Santa, This year, please give me a big fat bank account and a slim body. And please, don't mix those two… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you make people laugh or cry about little black marks on sheets of white paper, what is that but a practical… — Kurt Vonnegut Copy Share Image
I feel like you can share as many jokes as you want to because no joke you do on Twitter is ever… — W. Kamau Bell Copy Share Image
I sat down and wrote some jokes and went to the talent show, got up on stage, fell in love with it… — Wanda Sykes Copy Share Image
Very few people ever meet celebrities. All we really know is what we read about them and the most memorable lines are… — Robert Orben Copy Share Image
R2-D2 is like that, but I think because he doesn't speak actual words, his jokes don't land. It's really a hindrance. And… — Alan Tudyk Copy Share Image
No matter how bad your day is going, just remember that somewhere in the world someone just got a pubic hair in… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I don't want to make compromises. I want my little silly jokes to be told with the correct punch line, and I'm… — Grant Hart Copy Share Image
Hardly anyone today thinks about sex. We joke about it, dream about it, watch movies about it, listen to music about it,… — Jason Evert Copy Share Image
I do things, and other people laugh at them. I rarely know what the joke is supposed to be or why they're… — Wallace Shawn Copy Share Image
The inside jokes weren't jokes anymore. They had become stories. Nobody brought up the bad names or the bad times. And nobody… — Stephen Chbosky Copy Share Image
I started doing pot jokes, and I noticed that audiences invariably love pot jokes. Even people who don't smoke pot think it's… — Doug Benson Copy Share Image
![“Surprisingly, a large number of people who fell out with their partners contacted us, saying that they would love to fly on a Virgle spaceship. But out of April Fools' jokes come real things, and I wouldn't be surprised, within the next 50 years, [if] there are one-way trips heading out into space…” quote by Richard Branson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e41/richard-branson-256_april_surprisingly-a-large-number-of-people-wh_3009694.jpg)
