Jokes Quotes · Page 88

I want to be on a show that's not sensitive to racial jokes; I want to be on one where they call…

— Wale

Every joke is either taken by ads or The Simpsons. It's all about being able to get your ideas out into the…

— Rich Fulcher

If all woman in the world died today, human race would no longer possess the secret of how to properly wrap a…

— Nikhil Saluja

One of the marvelous things about Churchill is that whatever he was doing, whether fighting or arguing or despairing or bouncing about…

— Paul Johnson

jokes are ideally pleasurable. They are an act of assassination without a corpse, a moment of total annihilation that paradoxically makes anything…

— Penelope Gilliatt

When I was a boy, my mom wore a mood ring. When she was in a good mood it turned blue. In…

— Jeff Shaw

When we're on set, we kind of joke around, and when we're rehearsing, we change up the scenes and make each other…

— Kellan Lutz

I have no skills. I mean, I can make jokes, I'm pretty good at talking to people on the Judge John Hodgman…

— John Hodgman

I wish I lived back in the Old West days, because I'd save up my money for about twenty years so I…

— Jack Handey

Humor is widely used by Indians to deal with life. Indian gatherings are marked by laughter and jokes, many directed at the…

— Paula Gunn Allen

That's the great thing about New Year's, you get to be a year older. For me, that wasn't such a joke, because…

— Alan King

With Congress and the S.E.C. so heavily peopled by lawyers, and with lawyers having been so heavily involved in drafting financial disclosure…

— Charlie Munger

Honey, Kate is not going to die sooner because you have one more glass of mine, or because you stay overnight in…

— Jodi Picoult

I'm going to keep talking about what I think is interesting for my entire career. If you want to hear about how…

— David Cross

Somebody who opposes Trump is wound so tight, they're not funny people anyway, that they don't get his humor. They really believe…

— Rush Limbaugh

The stock market's handling of new technology is kind of a joke. We have seen CNBC, CNNfn, Bloomberg, and the like turn…

— Mark Cuban

There are passages of the Bible that are soiled forever by the touches of the hands of ministers who delight in the…

— Phillips Brooks

I curse in everyday life, but usually when I stub my toe. The topics I'm discussing, it's not necessary to curse. I…

— Jim Gaffigan

Always warm up the audience with a joke…If you are not a particularly funny person, make sure that you inform them that…

— Jacob M. Appel

Improvisation is about finding the best joke or the silliest way to get something across. Improvising conflict is always fun because you…

— Ed Helms

But men and women, getting along, it's a joke. We have completely different brains, it's a completely different thing.

— Christina Applegate

I'm a comedian and there are a lot of things I'm still learning. I love one liners because I love smart jokes.…

— Anthony Jeselnik

The Australian sense of humor is very dry, sarcastic, and very undercover. Like if I tell any jokes in America, people just…

— Heath Ledger

I don't see anyone avoiding the Stones because DJs make jokes about them being a part of the Geritol set. All it…

— Joe Perry

It's so funny when your at the office party and you crack a joke and your laughing at yourself because you created…

— Daryn

We joke about it in the entertainment industry: Every actor wants to be a musician, and every musician wants to be an…

— Lance Bass

I was born in the West Village in New York, and then when I was about four my family moved to what…

— Peter Vack

Yes, I was slightly outside everything when I was growing up. My mother jokes that I was exchanged at birth. She brought…

— Janet McTeer

I could never be a professional comedian, 'cause you have to keep telling the same jokes. For me, they're like word solos.

— Robyn Hitchcock

I didn't care about the backlash. I think the reason it was so severe was because they didn't know anything about me…

— Anthony Jeselnik

Only the saints would joke so about the gods, because it was either joke or scream, and they alone knew it was…

— Lois McMaster Bujold

I loved Omar Vizquel. He tells some really long jokes, and he has his own way of telling them, but he can…

— Steve Finley

I thought I could make a sarcastic joke about it. But it's based on my own struggle with how much to give,…

— Nicole Holofcener

Within those confining walls, teachers - a bunch of men all armed with the same information - gave the same lectures every…

— Yukio Mishima

“The material used to make MONEY should be changed from paper to RUBBER. So people can STRETCH it to make both ends…

— Nelson M. Lubao

Is everything a joke to you?” I asked. He dabbed his tongue to his lip again. “Not everything.” “Like what?” “You.

— Becca Fitzpatrick

It is said that, When a woman closes her eyes, she sees the person she loves the most...! And When a man…

— Zak

Dad writes on sons wall Son, how have you been? Your mom & I Am fine, We miss you a lot Please…

— Troublemaker

Artistically, I find jokes really satisfying aesthetically, because there's something great about getting an idea down to a sentence or two.

— Demetri Martin

I joke that I spent 38 years scouring the globe, going to war zones, trying to find the person with my exact birthday.

— Samantha Power