I am excited about getting back to what I do best and what my audience likes best, I am writing new jokes… — Jackie Mason Copy Share Image
With comedy, the jokes will come out, and people will see them coming. Changes in daily life or current events can change… — Robert Lopez Copy Share Image
There is a kind of laughter people laugh at public events, as if a joke were a charity auction and they want… — William McIlvanney Copy Share Image
All producers encourage you, whatever it is, to make it more-so. If you've got a joke, can it be funnier? If you've… — Walter Hill Copy Share Image
You know when I told you the joke about how a friend will help you move, but a real friend will help… — Brad Thor Copy Share Image
I'll think of the idea and then I'll write something down, then within that there will be a joke or two which… — David Cross Copy Share Image
I have a roommate, and I signed a year lease. I screwed up! That's like I wrote a joke that didn't work,… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
Now, everybody, I suppose, is aware that in recent years the silly business of divination by dreams has ceased to be a… — Arthur Machen Copy Share Image
A cowboy, a lawyer, and a mechanic watched Queen of the Damned,” I murmured. Warren—who had once, a long time ago, been… — Patricia Briggs Copy Share Image
Humor is so culturally based that when I try to tell a joke as me being a white American, if I tell… — Michael Emerson Copy Share Image
I went to England to tell jokes, and I wanted to tell my Smokey the Bear joke, but I had to ask… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
There is something about being a director where, for me personally, I get to . . . it's the closest I'll ever… — Barry Sonnenfeld Copy Share Image
Freud's theory was that when a joke opens a window and all those bats and bogeymen fly out, you get a marvellous… — Ken Dodd Copy Share Image
I think of myself as a comedian who has the pleasure of writing jokes about things that I actually care about. And… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I tend to have a lot of jokes about ex-girlfriends. They always ask me if they will be the subject of a… — Adam DeVine Copy Share Image
Feminine traits are called weaknesses. People joke about them; fools ridicule them; but reasonable persons see very well that those traits are… — Immanuel Kant Copy Share Image
Have you ever lived in the suburbs? It's sterile. It's nothing. It's wasting your life, and people do not wish to waste… — Ed Koch Copy Share Image
The best timed joke or the best timed phrase comes at spontaneous moments and just relies on me as the host to… — Steve Harvey Copy Share Image
Do you want me to apologize after every joke? If it doesn't offend somebody it's probably not a joke. It's probably an… — Jeff Ross Copy Share Image
I don't have any jokes about my divorce or my ex-husband, who is a lovely person. It really is about how I… — Jen Kirkman Copy Share Image
What did the Ocean say to the other Ocean?...Nothing they just Waved...Did you Sea what I did there?...I'm Shore you did! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm not here to affect you politically or socially. I'm here to make you laugh. I use the news as the palette… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
In real life, I'm the type of girl who doesn't take herself too seriously. I'm very serious when it comes to work,… — Gal Gadot Copy Share Image
Writers are encouraged to "keep 'em laughing" and complain "with good humor" in order to "win" allies. The joke is always on… — Alice Childress Copy Share Image
Cos it's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'Aaaaaagghhh!!' and everyone just stares at you.… — Tommy Cooper Copy Share Image
People keep referring to me as a standup, and that just doesn't sit well with me because a lot of my friends… — Nick Offerman Copy Share Image
It seemed fun to play a villain on stage and I wanted my jokes to be so good that I could just… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
A world like that, which exists only because the gods enjoy a joke, must be a place where magic can survive. And… — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
I have 40 years of unpublished material, the ones they don't pick, and the reason I don't redraw them or use them… — Sergio Aragones Copy Share Image
Lipstick (lip*stik) n. -- On your lips, color to enhance your beauty. On his collar, color only a tramp would wear! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Roses are red violets are blue, What made you think I wasnt playing the game too, I said I love you, You… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The casting directors that were aware of The Real World looked at me as a joke. It was so hard to get… — Jamie Chung Copy Share Image
I never really write the jokes. I just sit down over a week or two and try to figure out what I… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
My father, the practical joker, did not care for practical jokes on himself; he did not encourage the practice in me. — Lincoln Steffens Copy Share Image
The Danes don't take themselves seriously at all and look for the joke in everything. Us Scots are on the same line… — Jamie Sives Copy Share Image
I am edgy, raw, offensive, vulgar, untruthful, but intelligent. My jokes are always realistic. I do not make fun of children or… — Vir Das Copy Share Image
I want to tell my jokes. I want to have time with my children. I want to entertain people. And at one… — Dave Chappelle Copy Share Image
Puberty is the sickest joke God plays on us. So you're just noticing members of the sex: "Girls girls, ooo". Naturally you… — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
In New York there isn't that weird palpable competitive thing where it's friendly but everyone isn't trying to top one another with… — David Cross Copy Share Image
I don't want to go and start trying to make jokes in places like India, Tanzania or Iraq. Afghanistan is not a… — Bill Bryson Copy Share Image
