I had a show that people thought used a laugh track. It wasn't; it was the real audience going crazy after everything… — Norm MacDonald Copy Share Image
There's a lot of hypocrisy in audiences. I'd never dream of telling even on a nightclub stage, let alone my show, some… — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
I like to smile a lot before going in the car. I make jokes, even on the grid, and then I can… — Romain Grosjean Copy Share Image
Why do single girls take advice from other single girls? That's like ray charles giving stevie wonder driving directions. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It's the ultimate pinnacle of stand-up to have an hour on HBO, but way more people see Comedy Central, and they've been… — Daniel Tosh Copy Share Image
It's like love making, the foreplay is the biggest part, the same thing as comedy. If you can frame your show in… — Tommy Chong Copy Share Image
Education is incomplete without 5 B's B - Bikes B - Beers B - Babes B - Bunks and the most important… — Vinesh Copy Share Image
You might like it as a joke or because you liked it then, but there isn't a whole new generation discovering Wham!. — Rob Zombie Copy Share Image
Can anything be more disgusting than to hear people called 'educated' making small jokes about eating ham, and showing themselves empty of… — George Eliot Copy Share Image
I need to make an okay living. The people who work for us need to. But after you make a comfortable living,… — Craig Newmark Copy Share Image
Some comedians tell nice jokes that you can tell to your kids. Some use bad words - they work 'blue.' If you… — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share Image
We each get fifteen minutes before the Gamemakers to amaze them with our skills, but I don't know what any of us… — Suzanne Collins Copy Share Image
Strider's bedroom "The only thing hanging on the wall that wasn't a weapon was the portrait just over the bed. No. Not… — Gena Showalter Copy Share Image
“In a theater, it happened that a fire started offstage. The clown came out to tell the audience. They thought it was… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A human being having a full emotional conversation with a dog is funny, innately. It's one of those things where you get… — Will Smith Copy Share Image
It's hard to describe to people how terrible it was when you could only watch cartoons at a certain time in your… — Jon Hamm Copy Share Image
I'm not the type of guy who's funny in the room. I'm the guy who's funny late at night on a computer,… — Scott Aukerman Copy Share Image
A comedy can actually get funnier and funnier. Even though you know the joke, you enjoy it so much, it's the facial… — Eli Roth Copy Share Image
There were two things I used to do to seduce girls: jokes and music. Since I'm not a great pianist, jokes were… — Gad Elmaleh Copy Share Image
Power is nothing without a rock solid core. Pilates is the key to activating it...guys don't be fooled just 'cause women do… — DeMarcus Ware Copy Share Image
Writing your own jokes, you just kind of keep working on something until you think it might work, and then you try… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
When I turned about 12 or 13, I realised that being funny wasn't about remembering jokes. It was about creating them. — Paul Merton Copy Share Image
I think people love to be noticed, they love to feel included. A lot of people are flattered if you, you know,… — Jennifer Saunders Copy Share Image
I have a neighbor he is from China, he is a dwarf, I ask him what his name is? He said, Tai… — Glen Rambharack Copy Share Image
We were watching the first series recently, and it has a charm, a kind of amateur charm. At that point we didn't… — Jennifer Saunders Copy Share Image
One should never risk a joke, even of the mildest and most unexceptional charters, except among people of culture and wit. — Jean de la Bruyere Copy Share Image
Sex is a sensation caused by temptation, when a man puts his location in a woman's destination, did you understand the explanation… — Azgraybebly Josland Copy Share Image
It wasn't until I became more confident with myself and I put myself forward instead of the jokes; at first it was… — Wanda Sykes Copy Share Image
I keep getting these people at my shows who only know me from television. I can always tell when they're, like, emotionally… — Dave Attell Copy Share Image
Facebook is now like home. If you don't come back in 24 hours it means you are either lost, dead, sick or… — Pacifiersucker Copy Share Image
“You didn’t put up a protective shield?” “The shields I found on the Internet involved human sacrifice and down payment of my… — A. Kirk Copy Share Image
I stand above the tree level I am a tree I catch wind storm breaths My branches claw I drink sky It… — Marie Ponsot Copy Share Image
I'm terrible at practical jokes. I do them too well, so they're not funny. I end up saying, “Oh, no, I'm joking,… — Anna Torv Copy Share Image
Italians have a little joke, that the world is so hard a man must have two fathers to look after him, and… — Mario Puzo Copy Share Image
The sun isn't your friend. It didn't laugh at that stupid little joke. But when the business failed, when your beauty failed,… — Sy Safransky Copy Share Image
Now and again there will be the occasional joke about owing someone two dollars from the days in '63 when I was… — Robert Plant Copy Share Image
I stumbled on a joke idea and style that worked, the audience went with it and, from that moment on, I was… — Marcus Brigstocke Copy Share Image
I don't need somebody who will make me laugh. I'm looking for someone who will laugh at my jokes and make me… — Terry Mark Copy Share Image
People say, 'Oh, are you tired of the Jesus jokes yet?' I can't get tired of the Jesus jokes because this is… — Tom Payne Copy Share Image
I love jokes that come out of nowhere. The ones where people look at the screen and go, 'What the Hell was… — Allen Covert Copy Share Image
![“Can anything be more disgusting than to hear people called 'educated' making small jokes about eating ham, and showing themselves empty of any real knowledge as to the relation of their own social and religious life to the history of the people they think themselves witty in insulting? [...] The…” quote by George Eliot](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cee/george-eliot-84_average_can-anything-be-more-disgusting-than-to_2808257.png)
