You know when Jerry Ford gets the best joke, you know you're in trouble. — Mark Russell Copy Share Image
Everyone has sadness-I just get mine out in my music so that I can laugh and joke and flirt with you! — Sam Smith Copy Share Image
“We are sometimes hurt mostly or only not by what happened or is happening to us but by being felt sorry for.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
Penn & Teller stopped doing practical jokes, and the reason is we got much too good at it. — Penn Jillette Copy Share Image
My act's not heavy on pop culture or stories, just lots of jokes. — Judah Friedlander Copy Share Image
Why do women live longer than men? Shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying the bills does. — Nishan Panwar Copy Share Image
And I admit it: there's a rather dirty thrill when 700 people laugh at a joke you've written. — Laura Wade Copy Share Image
If you dont come home and immediately either take off your pants or change into pajamas then Im sorry but youre living… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I don't like the phrase shock value. Surprise is essential in comedy, and if people are shocked by what I consider merely… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Son, a woman is a lot like a... a refrigerator! They're about six feet tall, 300 pounds. They make ice, and... um...… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I was walking around with my GF when she started playing a Bieber song on cell & now there's vomit all over… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I never was shy, but as far as telling jokes, I'm the worst. I like physical comedy; it's where I feel comfortable. — Malin Akerman Copy Share Image
Hillary Clinton wouldn't have make a joke about wiping the server clean with a towel or now we find out about bashing… — Eric Bolling Copy Share Image
Speaking for myself, I try to go out there on the stage and make jokes with people, so I'm not really thinking… — Samantha Bee Copy Share Image
An ex-girlfriend from my past told me to see things from a girls point of view, so I looked out the kitchen… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I keep on repeating something told to me by an American psychologist: "When you are making a joke about someone and you… — Tariq Ramadan Copy Share Image
I've always had to conquer fear when I'm on stage. Basically, I was and still am a very shy person. It's absolutely… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
My mom was my English teacher in high school. So to be able to bend the rules and be the class clown… — Paul Rust Copy Share Image
“I be dog if hit don't look like sometimes that when a fellow sets out to play a joke, hit ain't another… — William Faulkner Copy Share Image
When we were trying to find the woman to play Maura Isles, it was a no-brainer when Sasha came in. We just… — Angie Harmon Copy Share Image
I'm a bug on acting, which distinguishes Second City from a lot of other revues. It comes from the character, the behavior,… — Bernard Sahlins Copy Share Image
Parents vary in their sense of what would be suitable repayment for creating, sustaining, and tolerating you all those years, andwhat circumstances… — Frank Pittman Copy Share Image
Now, I want to explain something to you guys. I don't have an ending joke, because I don't tell jokes. I tell… — Bruce Bruce Copy Share Image
Robert Pattinson must be the only guy in the world who enjoys his girlfriend being on her period. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When we cant laugh again on the same joke, then why do we cry again and again for the one and the… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Jokes are to be enjoyed, not explained. Folktales are to be inspired by, not verified.” — Nauman Faridi Copy Share Image
Compromise: The art of dividing the cake in a way that makes everyone believe they got the largest piece. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Which weakness shall I tell her? “I walk funny,” I say, and she’s satisfied with that. (inside joke) — Mary E. Pearson Copy Share Image
It's much easier to make jokes about sensitive issues if there is some dissent, some conflict. — Mo Rocca Copy Share Image
When life gives you lemons, find someone who has vodka and throw a party. — Charith Thilina Copy Share Image
A good joke is the closest thing we have to divine revelation. — Gilbert K. Chesterton Copy Share Image
Honey, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex! It's also the food preparation. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
One nice thing about making jokes is that you don't have to prove them. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Don't Take It Seriously * When the MILKMAN says, Do you want it in the front or the back? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I joke sometimes that I live a protracted adolescence, that a part of me will always be twelve years old. — Jack Driscoll Copy Share Image
